Yesterday we felt pretty hopeless, I'll be honest.
But in the last 24ish hours, we've heard from so many wonderful friends, family and even strangers telling me that they are praying for us. I saw my blog referred to asking people who don't even know us to please pray for our baby boy. We were so touched (No surprise here, it made me cry)
Then last night, as I'm being overwhelmed with kindness, prayers already started to be answered.
We were ready to go to bed, sure that we had over two weeks to wait, and feeling completely discouraged. Then out of nowhere the Doctor called me. He said that he had a client who's twin babies lungs kept testing immature also, but still, quite a bit more mature than ours. He said that just that evening (as the prayers were flooding in), a second type of test on another client of his came back mature even after multiple immature results.
Usually, to order this secondary test, you needed at least a 31 on the first one. We scored a 22.
But the Doctor just felt that he should send ours for the secondary test, just in case. The chances were nearly impossible that it would say mature, but he wanted to try. We agreed.
We waited all day, clinging to our last hope of trying to have our baby out as soon as possible, and finally safe and in our arms. (We will NEVER learn not to hope, I guess. And I guess I'm glad about this.)
Finally, around 4 the doctor called with the results.
There were two additional tests done. One of them came back immature, but the other came back mature.
He said that this result gave us some wiggle room, and it showed his lungs were borderline instead of super immature. Some fast progress! He said he showed the results to the entire specialist team and they all agreed on a delivery at 38 weeks instead of waiting until 39!
We scheduled the official time for the delivery of our perfect little boy. He will be born on Thursday the 12th!!! (our 38 week mark was actually on Friday the 13th-haha- but the doctor chose to use one ultrasound date from early on that would make our due date one day earlier. )
NO MORE TESTS! ONE ENTIRE WEEK LESS TO WAIT! Our baby is coming in 5 days and 18 hours (but who's counting? Us. You bet we are) And the best news, HIS LUNGS SHOULD BE FINE!
Thank you for your prayers. There is no reason that the doctor should have ever sent off for that test, and based on the proof we had, we thought there was no way he would test mature. But the doctor did, and the lungs tested well, and now baby is coming sooner than we thought.
Thank you for your prayers and faith, my friends!
Friday, September 6, 2013
Thursday, September 5, 2013
No no no no no
We got an amnio test done today. We were pretty excited this morning, re-packed our hospital bags just in case, and accidentally left about 40 minutes early because I was so antsy. On the way Lucas grabbed my hand and said, "Do you think this could be it?!"
I have tried to keep myself from getting to hopeful and excited about what day the baby is coming. Our plans ALWAYS get derailed. It seems I am always close enough to having a baby that I believe it's really happened for me, and then somehow it all comes crashing down.
But when he said that I let myself hope.
Our last test was a week ago and little boy tested at a 10 and needs a minimum of 50 in order to be delivered. However, there is a backup test they give when our score reaches anywhere from 31-49, and if that is positive then they can still deliver. They guess that babies get 2 points a day, and then with steroid shots we can expect another 10-20 points.
We had the shots, so I guessed that put us at 25ish, then with 8 days gone, thats another 16 or so, so we would be in the low 40's. That is pretty close to the 50 mark, and the backup test would have a really good chance of being positive. I let myself believe that today could be the day.
The amnio test went great, easy and painless, baby looked great, his heart and measurements are all perfect. We just needed the lung test to come back with high numbers. We were ready for our miracle.
Our doctor didn't want us to wait at all for the test so he ran the fluid to the lab himself right after doing the procedure, then ran back and said it would be a few hours before we had results but that he told them to rush the test and call him immediately with the results.
Lucas and I decided not to leave downtown Denver, in case the test was mature, then we would go right to the hospital and have a baby! We walked around a park downtown and held hands and were feeling really happy and content.
We decided, after watching the clock tick by slowly, to drive home (use some time) and if he calls us with the results and we have to rush to the hospital that is fine too, we would have to wait for an open OR anyway, so we would have time. It's only a 1/2 hour drive. So we started driving home. As I was calculating that it would be about 2 hours until the results were in, my phone rang.
I answered hopeful, but could tell immediately it was not good news by the tone of my Dr.'s voice.
The test came back at a 22. Even with steroid shots to help his lungs, and over a week, they only went up 12 points. TWELVE! How?!?!
I'm 37 weeks tomorrow, and they say that about 90 percent of babies have fully mature lungs by this point. But not ours, our baby needs more time, and for us, time is the scariest thing.
So I held the phone to my ear and listened as the doctor explained our options (not many). Tears fell down my face and I cried silently as I listened to him apologize. I felt as though somewhere something I couldn't see was beating me up. Beating up my spirit. Externally I am fine, but it's like my spirit is completely shattered. Something had to be trying to ruin me.
I whispered to Lucas that news as we went, and he got quite upset. He slammed his fist on the steering wheel and said, "What are they waiting for?! Does he have to die too?!" Then his face got so sad and crushed me even more. He calmed down, got comfortable feeling disappointed, and grabbed my hand. I got off the phone and cried, we sat in silence most the way home.
We know that we dont want to make our baby come into the world too early when every day makes a difference, (though not much in his case). We dont want to take him out because of fear when he could really use the time to get stronger lungs.
But, we hate that people were ignoring the fact that we lost two babies before when EVERYTHING looked perfect. A bunch of dumb rules made by a group of doctors that keep our doctors from being able to decide that this case was different and lungs might be trumped by history. Hands were tied everywhere we look, and our baby is stuck inside.
I keep wishing for signs of labor, wishing for something to be just a little off so they can find a reason to deliver him. But he's perfect, just like his sister and brother.
We came home and I bawled my eyes out because we know what this means.
It is out of our hands. We just need to wait on baby's lungs. At this rate, he will be 40 weeks before his lungs reach 50, but doctors can deliver him no matter what at 39 weeks. So we have 16 days to go back to fear and waiting.
I'm just sad. I'm sad that baby is struggling for whatever reason to have his lungs develop. I'm sad that having two children die with no known reason isn't enough for them to justify trying to save this baby early. I'm sad that we keep packing our bags and driving off to FINALLY have our baby in our arms, just to drive home with tears on our cheeks and an empty car seat buckled in the back.
Sixteen days feels like an eternity. Especially since today marks the point in this pregnancy when we lost Molly when I was pregnant with her.
Life is hard.
I have tried to keep myself from getting to hopeful and excited about what day the baby is coming. Our plans ALWAYS get derailed. It seems I am always close enough to having a baby that I believe it's really happened for me, and then somehow it all comes crashing down.
But when he said that I let myself hope.
Our last test was a week ago and little boy tested at a 10 and needs a minimum of 50 in order to be delivered. However, there is a backup test they give when our score reaches anywhere from 31-49, and if that is positive then they can still deliver. They guess that babies get 2 points a day, and then with steroid shots we can expect another 10-20 points.
We had the shots, so I guessed that put us at 25ish, then with 8 days gone, thats another 16 or so, so we would be in the low 40's. That is pretty close to the 50 mark, and the backup test would have a really good chance of being positive. I let myself believe that today could be the day.
The amnio test went great, easy and painless, baby looked great, his heart and measurements are all perfect. We just needed the lung test to come back with high numbers. We were ready for our miracle.
Our doctor didn't want us to wait at all for the test so he ran the fluid to the lab himself right after doing the procedure, then ran back and said it would be a few hours before we had results but that he told them to rush the test and call him immediately with the results.
Lucas and I decided not to leave downtown Denver, in case the test was mature, then we would go right to the hospital and have a baby! We walked around a park downtown and held hands and were feeling really happy and content.
We decided, after watching the clock tick by slowly, to drive home (use some time) and if he calls us with the results and we have to rush to the hospital that is fine too, we would have to wait for an open OR anyway, so we would have time. It's only a 1/2 hour drive. So we started driving home. As I was calculating that it would be about 2 hours until the results were in, my phone rang.
I answered hopeful, but could tell immediately it was not good news by the tone of my Dr.'s voice.
The test came back at a 22. Even with steroid shots to help his lungs, and over a week, they only went up 12 points. TWELVE! How?!?!
I'm 37 weeks tomorrow, and they say that about 90 percent of babies have fully mature lungs by this point. But not ours, our baby needs more time, and for us, time is the scariest thing.
So I held the phone to my ear and listened as the doctor explained our options (not many). Tears fell down my face and I cried silently as I listened to him apologize. I felt as though somewhere something I couldn't see was beating me up. Beating up my spirit. Externally I am fine, but it's like my spirit is completely shattered. Something had to be trying to ruin me.
I whispered to Lucas that news as we went, and he got quite upset. He slammed his fist on the steering wheel and said, "What are they waiting for?! Does he have to die too?!" Then his face got so sad and crushed me even more. He calmed down, got comfortable feeling disappointed, and grabbed my hand. I got off the phone and cried, we sat in silence most the way home.
We know that we dont want to make our baby come into the world too early when every day makes a difference, (though not much in his case). We dont want to take him out because of fear when he could really use the time to get stronger lungs.
But, we hate that people were ignoring the fact that we lost two babies before when EVERYTHING looked perfect. A bunch of dumb rules made by a group of doctors that keep our doctors from being able to decide that this case was different and lungs might be trumped by history. Hands were tied everywhere we look, and our baby is stuck inside.
I keep wishing for signs of labor, wishing for something to be just a little off so they can find a reason to deliver him. But he's perfect, just like his sister and brother.
We came home and I bawled my eyes out because we know what this means.
It is out of our hands. We just need to wait on baby's lungs. At this rate, he will be 40 weeks before his lungs reach 50, but doctors can deliver him no matter what at 39 weeks. So we have 16 days to go back to fear and waiting.
I'm just sad. I'm sad that baby is struggling for whatever reason to have his lungs develop. I'm sad that having two children die with no known reason isn't enough for them to justify trying to save this baby early. I'm sad that we keep packing our bags and driving off to FINALLY have our baby in our arms, just to drive home with tears on our cheeks and an empty car seat buckled in the back.
Sixteen days feels like an eternity. Especially since today marks the point in this pregnancy when we lost Molly when I was pregnant with her.
Life is hard.
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Just to Remember
 |
| 36.5 weeks! |
I just wanted to record the feelings Lucas and I have been having so we don't forget them in case things get rough emotionally and we need something to lean on.
We have just made a plan with the doctor for the baby.
Tomorrow we will go talk to the OB we saw weekly since about 25 weeks. We really like her, and like that she seems so understanding about where we have been and why we feel so strongly about getting the baby out early. We want to talk to her about what we have experienced and all the "red tape" we have run into. We want to discuss with her if she would be willing to deliver the baby at 37 weeks even if the specialist is not. Unless for any reason we feel that it is right to continue to wait.
Thursday we go in for a second Amnio, 8 days after the first and after a set of steroid shots to help the lungs speed up their development. They will test his lungs to see if they have become mature, but to be honest, everyone sounds doubtful that the change we need to see will have happened in such a short amount of time.
However, if his lungs have developed enough, then we will have the baby delivered as soon as possible, even Thursday evening. If they are still too immature, we will have to go back to waiting.
When I let myself feel what I know is more of my natural, fear-filled, anxious response to this plan I get very upset very quickly. I want to write angry letters, make angry phone calls, and scream at everyone who just doesn't seem to get it. When I listen to the doubts that have been there instead of the peace I find when I trust the Lord, I get upset and even angry. Anger is not a feeling I feel often, and I hate it. I especially hate feeling anything but excitement and happiness when it comes to experiencing the miracle of welcoming this baby into our home.
Luckily, those feelings of fear or anger come quickly, and they leave quickly as well. People have been praying for us to feel peace, calm, and sure about our decisions. We have felt the difference those prayers have made. We are reading our scriptures, reading the Ensign, going to the temple, praying, and simply just trying to listen to the spiritual promptings we feel in every minute. When we are really trying to stay close to the spirit of the Lord, and to trust Him and His timing, we feel completely peaceful. Even when these unexpected decision are made, or test results are keeping us from just getting our baby here, we can feel peace.
This evening Lucas and I sat out on our balcony with the dog and watched the sun go down. It was a beautiful evening. We talked about how excited we are to be so close to the big day when we will meet our son. Lucas explained that it feels more exciting, a different bigger excitement, than he has ever felt before. Our excitement, when we decide to simply trust the timing of the Lord, is not at all marred by fear. Instead, we trust that He has a plan for our son, and that whatever He has planned will be the greatest blessing, it will be what is best for our family. When we completely trust Him we dont feel scared.
Lucas said the other day that he expected me to be a basket case if forced to go past 36 weeks, but that he has been surprised to see how calm I have been. I am also surprised, and also grateful. I am grateful to know that if we were to plan our own life and to have things go smoothly and exactly as WE plan them, we would never feel the sorrows we do, and in turn we would never feel the immense joy that we are blessed with. Things would not turn out for the best because it is impossible to see the bigger picture from God's perspective. We have to trust that the little things that don't seem to go our way might be opening the door to a blessing we have not yet seen coming.
Tonight our home is full of faith, and I am grateful for that. We wondered tonight as we talked, why it is that the Lord didn't just let baby's lungs grow quickly so we could have him early. We wondered what it was, why things have happened to make us wait even longer. We decided that whatever the reason, in hindsight we are sure it will be better and we will look back and thank Him for making us wait. We will be thankful for being taught to be patient. Maybe in the end, our baby was always going to make it, and the Lord simply wants him to grow a little longer.
I'm just so happy to have a relationship with and a trust in God. We are so lucky to have the gospel, and the have the faith of so many people helping us to keep close to the spirit. The Holy Ghost as a constant companion has been a true gift, he is a comforter and a voice of reason.
We feel sure that our baby will make it. Minutes pass slowly. Days are crawling, and it is hard to focus on anything except baby. All the things I wanted to get done while we wait have sat undone. I get anxiety every time my phone rings and can't answer it. I haven't been able to get myself to go to any social gathering of any kind. But I consider it a huge success that I can sit here with Lucas, 2 days away from the point in our pregnancy when we lost Molly, and feel safe. I think every day when we go to bed and feel comforted and in love and excited for the future is good day.
Saturday, August 31, 2013
The unexpected
It has been a really tough few days.
After we lost Molly at 37 weeks with no concrete explanation for what happened to her, our Doctors all suggested that with the next baby we deliver at 36 weeks. So our plan with Kellen was to deliver at 36 weeks. We lost him at 30. Again, there was no proof of what happened, but because delivering before 30 weeks is beyond scary, we have kept the plan to deliver around 36 weeks with any future pregnancies.
When we got pregnant this time around, and we shared our history with our new Doctors, they all agreed that it would be foolish to carry this baby to 40 weeks and the best thing would be to deliver at 36 weeks. This wasn't even because we suggested it, it was just what made sense to everyone. It was understood by all, or so we thought, that he may need to spend some time in the NICU, but that would be preferable to having to lose him too. Something happened to our babies, and taking this baby at 36 weeks would give us 4 less weeks to risk whatever happened before happening again.
So for the last 8 months I have had August 30th marked on all my calendars, alarms on my phone and in my heart saying "36 WEEKS! BABY TIME! WE MADE IT!" etc.
I have looked forward to the day we meet this baby with an excitement that I can't really explain. When I imagine meeting this baby, and seeing Lucas holding his little boy without having to say goodbye, I start to cry or laugh out loud because I can imagine no greater joy. August 30th. That was the day to reach.
While I can't say that I am ungrateful for it, part of what has made this hard is that our pregnancy has been pretty perfect. When every single test, every single monitoring session, and every ultrasound shows that this baby is developing perfectly and that there is nothing wrong, the doctors see the chance of losing him shrinking to nothing, and the risk of taking him early to be more foolish. They aren't trained to ignore the numbers in the tests. It is hard for them to get around the fact that they can't see a single sign of this pregnancy being anything but normal. They seem to forget that we buried two other babies, both of those pregnancies had our doctors amazed at how perfect everything was going.
Problem is, with our history, everything looks perfect, and the next day our baby is gone. We dont know when or why it happens, its like there is a sword dangling over our baby from day one. No matter what the tests on the baby or on me show, nothing takes down that sword but getting him out.
We have felt really well taken care of with both our regular OB and our specialists. They all planned on delivering the baby early. So when it came close to 36 weeks, we scheduled a c-section for August 30th and I began counting down the days, hours, and minutes.
We had an appointment for this last Wednesday, two days before the c-section, to test babies lungs before we deliver him. Everything has gone so smoothly, and they seemed so confident, that we just assumed that this would be another test where baby is ready. Doctor even said, "If the test comes back tonight and his lungs are mature, we'll deliver him tonight instead of waiting until Friday!"
So we got an amniocentesis. Using an ultrasound to see and guide them, they numb my stomach, and stick a needle in through my belly, the muscles and then into the uterus. They take a sample of amniotic fluid from around the baby. The fluid is then sent to be tested, looking for a hormone released into the fluid as the lungs develop. The more of this hormone in the fluid, the more mature the baby's lungs are.
Lucas and I rushed home and packed our hospital bag, got a few more things ready at home for baby, and waited anxiously for the Doctor to call with the results from the amnio. My phone rang just a few hours later and it was the doctor. I answered the phone and Lucas stood next to me, hospital bag by the door, ready to go.
Then we heard, "We got the results back." I am hopeful and I say, "That was fast!" He says, "Yes it was. Unfortunately, it's not good news. The baby's lungs are not mature. In fact, they are very immature. Not even close to what we need for me to feel safe delivering him tonight, or even soon. His results were surprising. We look for a score of around 50, and his came back at 10. I am so sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but we won't be able to deliver him tonight."
I can't stop my eyes from watering, but I finish talking to him. We quickly discuss what that means for his lungs, what that means for delivery, and what we can do to speed up his lung development.
He sent us to the nearest hospital that night to get a steroid shot to boost the development of baby's lungs. Then Thursday evening we got a second round of the shot. This shot has proven to be very effective for maturing the baby's lungs quickly, though it is not permanent. It is most effective if baby is delivered within a week of receiving the shot.
We now feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. It can be very dangerous to have a baby who's lungs haven't had enough time to develop. It could cause very severe asthma and other respiratory problems for life. Every single day can be a huge help in the development of lungs for the baby, so we see why the doctors want to give him just a little more time. We do too, unfortunately, we also feel that more time in can be more dangerous than getting him out now, even with premature lungs.
I felt as though I was being asked to wait longer, risking the death of my child, to prevent him from having asthma. To me it seemed crazy at first, and I was angry and frustrated. I couldn't understand how the doctors, who have known from the beginning that the plan was to deliver at 36 weeks, would assume that he would be totally mature a month early. We knew he wouldn't score the same as a 40 weeker, but we also knew it was worth it in an effort to save his life. Why is this test suddenly more important than the fact that we have a 100% record of losing our children and that getting him out could save his life.
The doctor is unfortunately tied by rules of the hospital and board that he cannot deliver a baby in an "elective c-section" before baby has mature lungs. As soon as his lungs test mature, he can deliver the baby, even if it was at 35 weeks. However, it could be another 4 weeks until our baby's lungs show up with a score of 50 or so. I cannot and will not wait 4 more weeks. We are currently talking to the doctor to try and figure out a way to re-test his lungs and hopefully have him delivered before next Friday. That will be 37 weeks, a full term baby. We just pray that in this week, and with the shots, his lungs will have developed enough that he will be healthy and alive.
Waiting is horrible. Im so antsy and every hour or so I panic that the baby is gone and we waited too long. Luckily, while we have been praying about how to time this right and know what to do, we had a feeling to go to the temple. We went to the temple and both felt very peaceful about our decision to wait another week or so instead of delivering him early (if the docs would even let us). We felt sure that he will be fine at least until next week. We are thankful that we both felt the same peace, but it doesn't make the minutes pass any faster.
Thank you to everyone for your constant prayers and concern for us and for the baby. Right now we need prayers that baby's lungs will develop quickly and he can make it to us. A miracle would even be that my body would go into labor on it's own, and then we dont have all this red tape keeping us from getting to hold our son. Prayers are much appreciated.
After we lost Molly at 37 weeks with no concrete explanation for what happened to her, our Doctors all suggested that with the next baby we deliver at 36 weeks. So our plan with Kellen was to deliver at 36 weeks. We lost him at 30. Again, there was no proof of what happened, but because delivering before 30 weeks is beyond scary, we have kept the plan to deliver around 36 weeks with any future pregnancies.
When we got pregnant this time around, and we shared our history with our new Doctors, they all agreed that it would be foolish to carry this baby to 40 weeks and the best thing would be to deliver at 36 weeks. This wasn't even because we suggested it, it was just what made sense to everyone. It was understood by all, or so we thought, that he may need to spend some time in the NICU, but that would be preferable to having to lose him too. Something happened to our babies, and taking this baby at 36 weeks would give us 4 less weeks to risk whatever happened before happening again.
So for the last 8 months I have had August 30th marked on all my calendars, alarms on my phone and in my heart saying "36 WEEKS! BABY TIME! WE MADE IT!" etc.
I have looked forward to the day we meet this baby with an excitement that I can't really explain. When I imagine meeting this baby, and seeing Lucas holding his little boy without having to say goodbye, I start to cry or laugh out loud because I can imagine no greater joy. August 30th. That was the day to reach.
While I can't say that I am ungrateful for it, part of what has made this hard is that our pregnancy has been pretty perfect. When every single test, every single monitoring session, and every ultrasound shows that this baby is developing perfectly and that there is nothing wrong, the doctors see the chance of losing him shrinking to nothing, and the risk of taking him early to be more foolish. They aren't trained to ignore the numbers in the tests. It is hard for them to get around the fact that they can't see a single sign of this pregnancy being anything but normal. They seem to forget that we buried two other babies, both of those pregnancies had our doctors amazed at how perfect everything was going.
Problem is, with our history, everything looks perfect, and the next day our baby is gone. We dont know when or why it happens, its like there is a sword dangling over our baby from day one. No matter what the tests on the baby or on me show, nothing takes down that sword but getting him out.
We have felt really well taken care of with both our regular OB and our specialists. They all planned on delivering the baby early. So when it came close to 36 weeks, we scheduled a c-section for August 30th and I began counting down the days, hours, and minutes.
We had an appointment for this last Wednesday, two days before the c-section, to test babies lungs before we deliver him. Everything has gone so smoothly, and they seemed so confident, that we just assumed that this would be another test where baby is ready. Doctor even said, "If the test comes back tonight and his lungs are mature, we'll deliver him tonight instead of waiting until Friday!"
So we got an amniocentesis. Using an ultrasound to see and guide them, they numb my stomach, and stick a needle in through my belly, the muscles and then into the uterus. They take a sample of amniotic fluid from around the baby. The fluid is then sent to be tested, looking for a hormone released into the fluid as the lungs develop. The more of this hormone in the fluid, the more mature the baby's lungs are.
Lucas and I rushed home and packed our hospital bag, got a few more things ready at home for baby, and waited anxiously for the Doctor to call with the results from the amnio. My phone rang just a few hours later and it was the doctor. I answered the phone and Lucas stood next to me, hospital bag by the door, ready to go.
Then we heard, "We got the results back." I am hopeful and I say, "That was fast!" He says, "Yes it was. Unfortunately, it's not good news. The baby's lungs are not mature. In fact, they are very immature. Not even close to what we need for me to feel safe delivering him tonight, or even soon. His results were surprising. We look for a score of around 50, and his came back at 10. I am so sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but we won't be able to deliver him tonight."
I can't stop my eyes from watering, but I finish talking to him. We quickly discuss what that means for his lungs, what that means for delivery, and what we can do to speed up his lung development.
He sent us to the nearest hospital that night to get a steroid shot to boost the development of baby's lungs. Then Thursday evening we got a second round of the shot. This shot has proven to be very effective for maturing the baby's lungs quickly, though it is not permanent. It is most effective if baby is delivered within a week of receiving the shot.
We now feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. It can be very dangerous to have a baby who's lungs haven't had enough time to develop. It could cause very severe asthma and other respiratory problems for life. Every single day can be a huge help in the development of lungs for the baby, so we see why the doctors want to give him just a little more time. We do too, unfortunately, we also feel that more time in can be more dangerous than getting him out now, even with premature lungs.
I felt as though I was being asked to wait longer, risking the death of my child, to prevent him from having asthma. To me it seemed crazy at first, and I was angry and frustrated. I couldn't understand how the doctors, who have known from the beginning that the plan was to deliver at 36 weeks, would assume that he would be totally mature a month early. We knew he wouldn't score the same as a 40 weeker, but we also knew it was worth it in an effort to save his life. Why is this test suddenly more important than the fact that we have a 100% record of losing our children and that getting him out could save his life.
The doctor is unfortunately tied by rules of the hospital and board that he cannot deliver a baby in an "elective c-section" before baby has mature lungs. As soon as his lungs test mature, he can deliver the baby, even if it was at 35 weeks. However, it could be another 4 weeks until our baby's lungs show up with a score of 50 or so. I cannot and will not wait 4 more weeks. We are currently talking to the doctor to try and figure out a way to re-test his lungs and hopefully have him delivered before next Friday. That will be 37 weeks, a full term baby. We just pray that in this week, and with the shots, his lungs will have developed enough that he will be healthy and alive.
Waiting is horrible. Im so antsy and every hour or so I panic that the baby is gone and we waited too long. Luckily, while we have been praying about how to time this right and know what to do, we had a feeling to go to the temple. We went to the temple and both felt very peaceful about our decision to wait another week or so instead of delivering him early (if the docs would even let us). We felt sure that he will be fine at least until next week. We are thankful that we both felt the same peace, but it doesn't make the minutes pass any faster.
Thank you to everyone for your constant prayers and concern for us and for the baby. Right now we need prayers that baby's lungs will develop quickly and he can make it to us. A miracle would even be that my body would go into labor on it's own, and then we dont have all this red tape keeping us from getting to hold our son. Prayers are much appreciated.
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
The Most Amazing
My brother has put together this AMAZING new 5K race! I seriously can't wait for it to come to Denver. I always wanted to try Wipe Out and this is basically my chance.
Watch the video and share it with your friends because there is a good chance they are coming to your city!
www.hitandrun5k.com
<
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
3 Years
Monday was Molly's birthday. That means it has been three years since we held her. I honestly can't believe it has been three years. It was an emotional day for me. Molly's birthday happened to come just days from the point in my pregnancy where we lost Kellen. So I had both babies and the new baby on my mind all day, and tears were not far from the surface.
Luckily, it was a beautiful day. We had a simple celebration and visited the babies at the cemetery. My mom was at girls camp so she couldn't make it. I called my dad to invite him to the cemetery with us, and he said he was in Colorado Springs working at a store so he wouldn't be able to make it. I was sad that nobody in my family would be able to come. It did help that Lucas' parents and sister were all coming with us.
We stopped at the store and got a pink balloon and Lucas picked flowers for both babies. His favorite thing for Molly is pink flowers surrounded in baby's breath for Molly, and green flowers for Kellen. I love that man.
At the cemetery we arrived just before his parents and we all gathered around the babies, just to see that someone had recently visited and left some pinwheels with each Molly and Kellen. I am always so touched when I see someone has visited them, leaving something for them is a sign for me that someone out there is thinking of and remembering our angels. It warms my heart. (yesterday I learned who left the pinwheels and I am so so SO thankful!)
We all sat and talked around the babies for a second. I said, "My mom is at Girls Camp and my Dad was working in Colorado Springs and won't be able to make it..." Just then Lucas goes, "It's your dad!" and I turn around to see my dad's truck pulling in and parking. I know he must have stopped everything he was doing and packed up then driven to be with us as fast as he could. I started crying right away when I saw him pull in. I love our families.
We all wrote letters to Molly on a balloon, and with tradition, we released the balloon to heaven for her.
We all talked for a while, sat around, and then we went and got ice cream cones and talked some more. It was a lovely day.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOLLY!
Monday, July 15, 2013
How are you feeling?
To my facebook friends, it may seem that I dislike being asked the question "How are you feeling?!" This is my fault because I posted a status about needing to come up with more questions to ask a pregnant woman. I do think that would be good, but I never meant to imply that it bothers me when people ask me. I'm sure pregnant women everywhere get this same thing everywhere they go. Luckily for me, I think the majority of the people who ask me aren't using the question as a filler question, but they know our story and are genuinely concerned. I appreciate it every time.
The hardest part of being asked this question is knowing what my honest answer actually is in an appropriate and socially accepted amount of time. Also, how long of an answer do you want? Are you honestly wondering how I'm feeling right now or in general about this pregnancy? Are you curious about how I'm feeling physically or emotionally? I think women ask more to know the emotional side, and men ask more about the physical side but dont want details. They want to know if it hurts, and maybe if my pregnancy is in any way like their wife or girlfriends. Some people honestly dont even know they are asking it, they just wanted to walk by me and also be polite. I have been known to misread signals from the "how are you feeling" asker.
I get kind of embarrassed, say, when I get off the phone with my mom after having talked to her for 30 minutes about my complicated emotions. I go downstairs and run into a 19 year old co-worker. He says, "Hey Amber, how are you feeling?" and I say, "You know, I feel okay right now. I'm so anxious though! Its about the same time that everything happened and so I'm nervous. But I do like my doctors and I think I'm in good hands. Also I am bigger this time around, so thats fun and uncomfortable, especially in this heat!" Meanwhile, 19 year old kid has walked backwards with a fake smile on saying "oh. yeah. oh." and then says, "kseeyalater" Too much. His how are you feeling was looking for a "good, you?!" But instead I gave him a peek into the mind of a crazy person.
To make a long wordy blog too long and more wordy, I have decided to post my entire answer here. How am I feeling?
Short answer: Good. Peaceful. Ready and Anxious.
Long answer: The first two trimesters of this pregnancy flew by. I have felt overwhelming support and huge blessings that made me feel sure that this will happen for us and that we will bring our little boy home. I was not very nervous, not really panicked. I felt surprised as each week went by that I felt almost as if we had never lost a baby in the sense that I was blissful. I was excited to be pregnant. I was dreaming as if I had no reason to doubt. There were moments of course, where I would rush to listen to his heartbeat because for a second I thought our luck had run out. But his heart was always there, a constant beat.
As the weeks have gone on, though, I have become more anxious. I find that as I've become completely aware of his movements, I am also completely aware when he is still. It is harder and harder to distract myself when I start to worry. While I would say that most of the time I feel normal and confident, I have had an increasing number of moments where I think to myself "Oh no, something is wrong. He's not moving. Its going to happen again. I can't do this. He's gone." And then baby boy will kick me in the ribs and tell me he is fine and that I need to calm down.
I guess its expected about now. We lost Kellen just a day or two before 30 weeks. I am 29 weeks and 4 days. Come Friday, every day with this baby is a day longer than I got with his brother. It is a day where I am painfully aware that it could happen any moment. Between now and 36 weeks when he will join us on the outside, I can tell that I will be like a bouncy ball. One moment I will feel such peace and be very sure that he is a perfectly healthy baby, and that my body is a safe home for him. The next I will be sure he is swimming in a danger zone and that any second our dreams will be shattered, our hearts will explode one final time and we will never recover.
As dorky as it sounds, my mind is a harder place to be right now than my heart. My heart feels sure. I feel peaceful. I can talk about having him here with people, and completely believe it will happen. My heart feels like this pregnancy is healing it even more. That this baby is a gift, a little boy who will heal us and who is protected by his brother and sister. I am sure in my heart. I am grateful for this, because it is my heart that was hurt the most when we lost Molly and Kellen. My heart was broken, then broken again. But it also wants to be a mother so badly that being pregnant, despite the chance of breaking again, is an exciting adventure. My heart feels like I won a prize, that growing another life inside of me, and counting down the days until I bring him home is exactly what the doctor ordered to heal the fractures of loss.
My mind, on the other hand, remembers the facts. In my mind, I answer the second most common question "Is this your first?!" with the facts, "No, he's my third." And then the facts are out there. There are no children around me. No children in my home. No babysitters, no spit up stains, no milestones. My mind tallies the facts and it begins to panic. It is my mind, that based on what we have been through before, gets me all confused. The peace in my heart is quickly set aside when I notice that the baby isn't moving. I push on my belly, frantically searching for evidence. I search for a sign that he is okay. My mind has made me run to the bathroom at work countless times to hide in a stall and lean against the wall, my hands on my belly, begging the baby to kick. It is looking at the past that makes my mind see no other ending.
There are two different kind of doctors who we have dealt with. The first is the rule doctor. The good student. The textbook answer doctor. He knows a lot, he knows the facts and he uses the facts to make good, wise, decisions. I need him to help me know what we need to do. He, unfortunately, sees this pregnancy is separate from the first two. Everything looks normal. Early delivery may not be necessary, why would it be, textbook says that perfect pregnancies end with healthy babies and despite the past, he believes the tests that say all is well. This doctor is like my brain. He's all facts.
The second doctor is the compassionate one. He sees my fear in my eyes when he mentions going past 36 weeks. He sees the pain in our questions and in the retelling of our story. He reads our chart and instead of asking us medical questions, he says "I am so sorry. We will do anything we need to so you get a baby" This doctor doesn't ask us to repeat our story again and again, but reads about it himself and only asks things he needs to know. This doctor is the heart. He's all feeling.
The difference in doctors reminds me of the drastically different way I can feel from one minute to the next.
So do I feel happy? Yes. Excited? Very. Scared? Sometimes. Peaceful? Almost always.
Physically I feel good. I have had a pretty easy pregnancy so far. I got pretty sick in the beginning, but after 14 weeks that went away almost completely aside from the occasional migraine. I have some painful braxton hicks contractions every now and then, but they say it tends to hurt more after a few c-sections, so that explains that. The baby is ALWAYS on the right side of my belly, he has been head-down the entire pregnancy, and his little legs have been kicking my ribs and spreading them out awkwardly for two months now. (my right ribs are actually bruised from the kicking and spreading. They are tender to the touch and ache 24/7)
My hands and feet are always so hot you would think I have a fever, but I dont. I take cold showers and cold baths to cool them down. I have gained 22 pounds and am expected to gain 3-8 more. I can't wear my wedding ring because it's too small. My feet are swollen. I have carried this baby almost the exact same way I carried the other two. In a small tight little ball. Like a volleyball is under my shirt. I dont carry very largely, and not very far out. I have swollen everywhere from water weight.
I still sleep like a champ, and I can breathe fine most of the time. I can get comfortable enough to sleep as long as I can cool off my hands and feet. (sometimes I sleep with an ice pack over my toes to bring down the fire in my veins!)
I love every movement this little boy makes, and every kick is a lovely reminder that we have at least one more moment to be together.
Today at work he got the hiccups. I sat there with my hand over the right side of my belly and felt his back jump into my belly over and over and over. For ten minutes he had the hiccups and I fell even more in love with him.
So, friends, thank you for asking how I am doing. Sorry if you ask me just to be nice and I go off into way too many details. Also, sorry if you ask wanting details and to support and all I give you is a quick "I feel great!"
Here is my 29.5 week belly picture. (I have only taken like 3 belly pics this pregnancy- woops)
Also, I miss reading old blogs about the things that make me laugh every day. So here is one.
Yesterday I was sitting at the table for a snack of jam and toast. Lucas was in the kitchen. Out of habit, I folded my arms and waited to say a lunch prayer. Then after a second of sitting there with my arms folded I realized that it wasn't a meal. I think because it felt weird to just dig in without a prayer, I needed to do something. For some reason, that something was to look at Moose, sitting next to me hoping for crumbs, and yell "TOAST!" Then I started eating. Lucas looked at me, surprised at my outburst, and laughed so hard he almost collapsed which made me laugh until I almost choked on my toast.
I love my life.
The hardest part of being asked this question is knowing what my honest answer actually is in an appropriate and socially accepted amount of time. Also, how long of an answer do you want? Are you honestly wondering how I'm feeling right now or in general about this pregnancy? Are you curious about how I'm feeling physically or emotionally? I think women ask more to know the emotional side, and men ask more about the physical side but dont want details. They want to know if it hurts, and maybe if my pregnancy is in any way like their wife or girlfriends. Some people honestly dont even know they are asking it, they just wanted to walk by me and also be polite. I have been known to misread signals from the "how are you feeling" asker.
I get kind of embarrassed, say, when I get off the phone with my mom after having talked to her for 30 minutes about my complicated emotions. I go downstairs and run into a 19 year old co-worker. He says, "Hey Amber, how are you feeling?" and I say, "You know, I feel okay right now. I'm so anxious though! Its about the same time that everything happened and so I'm nervous. But I do like my doctors and I think I'm in good hands. Also I am bigger this time around, so thats fun and uncomfortable, especially in this heat!" Meanwhile, 19 year old kid has walked backwards with a fake smile on saying "oh. yeah. oh." and then says, "kseeyalater" Too much. His how are you feeling was looking for a "good, you?!" But instead I gave him a peek into the mind of a crazy person.
To make a long wordy blog too long and more wordy, I have decided to post my entire answer here. How am I feeling?
Short answer: Good. Peaceful. Ready and Anxious.
Long answer: The first two trimesters of this pregnancy flew by. I have felt overwhelming support and huge blessings that made me feel sure that this will happen for us and that we will bring our little boy home. I was not very nervous, not really panicked. I felt surprised as each week went by that I felt almost as if we had never lost a baby in the sense that I was blissful. I was excited to be pregnant. I was dreaming as if I had no reason to doubt. There were moments of course, where I would rush to listen to his heartbeat because for a second I thought our luck had run out. But his heart was always there, a constant beat.
As the weeks have gone on, though, I have become more anxious. I find that as I've become completely aware of his movements, I am also completely aware when he is still. It is harder and harder to distract myself when I start to worry. While I would say that most of the time I feel normal and confident, I have had an increasing number of moments where I think to myself "Oh no, something is wrong. He's not moving. Its going to happen again. I can't do this. He's gone." And then baby boy will kick me in the ribs and tell me he is fine and that I need to calm down.
I guess its expected about now. We lost Kellen just a day or two before 30 weeks. I am 29 weeks and 4 days. Come Friday, every day with this baby is a day longer than I got with his brother. It is a day where I am painfully aware that it could happen any moment. Between now and 36 weeks when he will join us on the outside, I can tell that I will be like a bouncy ball. One moment I will feel such peace and be very sure that he is a perfectly healthy baby, and that my body is a safe home for him. The next I will be sure he is swimming in a danger zone and that any second our dreams will be shattered, our hearts will explode one final time and we will never recover.
As dorky as it sounds, my mind is a harder place to be right now than my heart. My heart feels sure. I feel peaceful. I can talk about having him here with people, and completely believe it will happen. My heart feels like this pregnancy is healing it even more. That this baby is a gift, a little boy who will heal us and who is protected by his brother and sister. I am sure in my heart. I am grateful for this, because it is my heart that was hurt the most when we lost Molly and Kellen. My heart was broken, then broken again. But it also wants to be a mother so badly that being pregnant, despite the chance of breaking again, is an exciting adventure. My heart feels like I won a prize, that growing another life inside of me, and counting down the days until I bring him home is exactly what the doctor ordered to heal the fractures of loss.
My mind, on the other hand, remembers the facts. In my mind, I answer the second most common question "Is this your first?!" with the facts, "No, he's my third." And then the facts are out there. There are no children around me. No children in my home. No babysitters, no spit up stains, no milestones. My mind tallies the facts and it begins to panic. It is my mind, that based on what we have been through before, gets me all confused. The peace in my heart is quickly set aside when I notice that the baby isn't moving. I push on my belly, frantically searching for evidence. I search for a sign that he is okay. My mind has made me run to the bathroom at work countless times to hide in a stall and lean against the wall, my hands on my belly, begging the baby to kick. It is looking at the past that makes my mind see no other ending.
There are two different kind of doctors who we have dealt with. The first is the rule doctor. The good student. The textbook answer doctor. He knows a lot, he knows the facts and he uses the facts to make good, wise, decisions. I need him to help me know what we need to do. He, unfortunately, sees this pregnancy is separate from the first two. Everything looks normal. Early delivery may not be necessary, why would it be, textbook says that perfect pregnancies end with healthy babies and despite the past, he believes the tests that say all is well. This doctor is like my brain. He's all facts.
The second doctor is the compassionate one. He sees my fear in my eyes when he mentions going past 36 weeks. He sees the pain in our questions and in the retelling of our story. He reads our chart and instead of asking us medical questions, he says "I am so sorry. We will do anything we need to so you get a baby" This doctor doesn't ask us to repeat our story again and again, but reads about it himself and only asks things he needs to know. This doctor is the heart. He's all feeling.
The difference in doctors reminds me of the drastically different way I can feel from one minute to the next.
So do I feel happy? Yes. Excited? Very. Scared? Sometimes. Peaceful? Almost always.
Physically I feel good. I have had a pretty easy pregnancy so far. I got pretty sick in the beginning, but after 14 weeks that went away almost completely aside from the occasional migraine. I have some painful braxton hicks contractions every now and then, but they say it tends to hurt more after a few c-sections, so that explains that. The baby is ALWAYS on the right side of my belly, he has been head-down the entire pregnancy, and his little legs have been kicking my ribs and spreading them out awkwardly for two months now. (my right ribs are actually bruised from the kicking and spreading. They are tender to the touch and ache 24/7)
My hands and feet are always so hot you would think I have a fever, but I dont. I take cold showers and cold baths to cool them down. I have gained 22 pounds and am expected to gain 3-8 more. I can't wear my wedding ring because it's too small. My feet are swollen. I have carried this baby almost the exact same way I carried the other two. In a small tight little ball. Like a volleyball is under my shirt. I dont carry very largely, and not very far out. I have swollen everywhere from water weight.
I still sleep like a champ, and I can breathe fine most of the time. I can get comfortable enough to sleep as long as I can cool off my hands and feet. (sometimes I sleep with an ice pack over my toes to bring down the fire in my veins!)
I love every movement this little boy makes, and every kick is a lovely reminder that we have at least one more moment to be together.
Today at work he got the hiccups. I sat there with my hand over the right side of my belly and felt his back jump into my belly over and over and over. For ten minutes he had the hiccups and I fell even more in love with him.
So, friends, thank you for asking how I am doing. Sorry if you ask me just to be nice and I go off into way too many details. Also, sorry if you ask wanting details and to support and all I give you is a quick "I feel great!"
Here is my 29.5 week belly picture. (I have only taken like 3 belly pics this pregnancy- woops)
***************
Also, I miss reading old blogs about the things that make me laugh every day. So here is one.
Yesterday I was sitting at the table for a snack of jam and toast. Lucas was in the kitchen. Out of habit, I folded my arms and waited to say a lunch prayer. Then after a second of sitting there with my arms folded I realized that it wasn't a meal. I think because it felt weird to just dig in without a prayer, I needed to do something. For some reason, that something was to look at Moose, sitting next to me hoping for crumbs, and yell "TOAST!" Then I started eating. Lucas looked at me, surprised at my outburst, and laughed so hard he almost collapsed which made me laugh until I almost choked on my toast.
I love my life.
Saturday, July 13, 2013
Sleep Creep
I think sleeping and dreaming is so interesting and hilarious. I love sleep talking/walking/anything stories so much and after I hear about them I think back on them and re-laugh again and again. My family has some golden moments. We all sleep talk at least a little bit, I think. My roommate in college would write down the things I said to her. I love it.
Lucas and I both fall asleep about 3 seconds after our heads hit the pillow, so unfortunately he sleeps through all my antics so I dont hear about them very often. But this morning he told me that I was creepy and funny last night.
He woke up to my face a foot away from his with me looking at him. I reached out to his face and touched his nose and felt the tip of his nose and said, "Is this your nose?!"
he said, "uhhh yes."
I said, "Oh! I couldn't find it!" I layed down again and then told him I had a scary dream. Then I was asleep again.
bahahaha!
Just for fun, here are a few sleep stories from the old safe:
While having a sleepover with a roommate and sharing a queen bed.
I roll over and look at my roommate Lindsay. AMBER: "Mmmmmmmmmmmm. Mashed potatoes. Want some?"
(I did not give her any. rude.)
In my apartment in college my roommate wrote down this little sleep conversation I had with her.
AMBER: Fossils!
LINDSAY: Fossils?
AMBER: Yeah, they are digging for fossils. In Idaho Falls.
LINDSAY: Oh, did they find them?
AMBER: Yes, but I'm pretty mad because they didn't even have a donut breakfast!!
(i see my point.)
I sat up in bed one night and looked over at my roommate, then opened my arms up gesturing at the clean room around me.
AMBER: LOOK AT THIS MESS! I JUST CLEANED THIS UP! WHAT HAPPENED HERE?!
ROOMMATE JAMI: uh.... k.
My brothers and I used to all sleep in the basement of our parents house. Our rooms were seperated by painters canvas and sheets nailed to the ceiling. We had privacy, but we could hear everything. One night I heard my brother, Jason, fresh off the mission say in his sleep: "THAT is the question! THAT is the GOOOOLLLDDDEENN question!"
My brother steven once yelled out in his sleep: "It's as HUUUUUUGE AS A SNAKE!"
There are tons of golden nuggets, but right now I can't remember them. My sisters-in-law get to hear the crazy things my brothers say all the time, and I envy them that.
Every time Lucas starts sleep talking it wakes him up, and he gets embarrassed.
It will be like this:
LUCAS: I'm not...are yo- *wakes up* *hides face*
LUCAS: Dang it. *goes back to sleep*
One day he'll give me something amazing, I know it.
Tell me some of your awesome stories immediately.
Lucas and I both fall asleep about 3 seconds after our heads hit the pillow, so unfortunately he sleeps through all my antics so I dont hear about them very often. But this morning he told me that I was creepy and funny last night.
He woke up to my face a foot away from his with me looking at him. I reached out to his face and touched his nose and felt the tip of his nose and said, "Is this your nose?!"
he said, "uhhh yes."
I said, "Oh! I couldn't find it!" I layed down again and then told him I had a scary dream. Then I was asleep again.
bahahaha!
Just for fun, here are a few sleep stories from the old safe:
While having a sleepover with a roommate and sharing a queen bed.
I roll over and look at my roommate Lindsay. AMBER: "Mmmmmmmmmmmm. Mashed potatoes. Want some?"
(I did not give her any. rude.)
In my apartment in college my roommate wrote down this little sleep conversation I had with her.
AMBER: Fossils!
LINDSAY: Fossils?
AMBER: Yeah, they are digging for fossils. In Idaho Falls.
LINDSAY: Oh, did they find them?
AMBER: Yes, but I'm pretty mad because they didn't even have a donut breakfast!!
(i see my point.)
I sat up in bed one night and looked over at my roommate, then opened my arms up gesturing at the clean room around me.
AMBER: LOOK AT THIS MESS! I JUST CLEANED THIS UP! WHAT HAPPENED HERE?!
ROOMMATE JAMI: uh.... k.
My brothers and I used to all sleep in the basement of our parents house. Our rooms were seperated by painters canvas and sheets nailed to the ceiling. We had privacy, but we could hear everything. One night I heard my brother, Jason, fresh off the mission say in his sleep: "THAT is the question! THAT is the GOOOOLLLDDDEENN question!"
My brother steven once yelled out in his sleep: "It's as HUUUUUUGE AS A SNAKE!"
There are tons of golden nuggets, but right now I can't remember them. My sisters-in-law get to hear the crazy things my brothers say all the time, and I envy them that.
Every time Lucas starts sleep talking it wakes him up, and he gets embarrassed.
It will be like this:
LUCAS: I'm not...are yo- *wakes up* *hides face*
LUCAS: Dang it. *goes back to sleep*
One day he'll give me something amazing, I know it.
Tell me some of your awesome stories immediately.
Saturday, July 6, 2013
Help From Behind The Scenes
 |
| My uncle Dan passed away Thursday, June 27th. The link to his obituary is here:
http://www.horancares.com/obituary/Dan-F.-Nielsen/Centennial-CO/1221046
He was a wonderful, happy, and loving man and will be greatly missed.
|
Usually when you look back at your life you can see connections between events. You can spot the small actions or deeds that led to big life-changing ones and sit in wonder at how lucky you are. The past little while has been like that, except we have been able to see the blessings as they are happening. Our life has been blessed so greatly and every little detail seems so taken care of that we just strap on our seat belts and trust that our angel babies are helping us on our path.
First, my uncle Dan was diagnosed with Cancer 4 years ago, around the same time as my mom. Unfortunately, he recently lost his battle and returned to heaven. Before he passed away, he and my aunt made all their arrangements at Lucas' old job through him at Chapel Hill. He was able to save them a lot of money with a family discount on everything. Just as he finished their arrangements as well as those for other family members, he got his new job.
His new job came quickly and as a surprise when my sister in law mentioned a connection to a family who was big in the funeral industry in our area. Texts and phone calls and interviews were made and they offered Lucas a job, despite there not being an opening. So Lucas switched jobs to Horan and McConaty. When he told my Uncle about it, my uncle expressed that his original desire was to have his funeral services through Horan and McConaty but that they had planned to go through the other company for the savings. As soon as he could, Lucas started looking to see if he could transfer their information to the new place.
After only 2 months in his first position, Lucas was asked to interview for a promotion to be a Funeral Director. He did a great job, and they told him that would call him to let him know what they decided. That night we learned that my uncle's condition was worsening quickly and his time was going to be short on this earth, days or even hours. Lucas, despite waiting for an important call, called his managers and asked what could be done. They were able to work out the details and move his service over to the other company, and save them even more money while allowing my uncle to have what he really wanted for his service. They moved the contract over. Lucas got the promotion.
My Uncle Dan passed away later that week, surrounded by my aunt- the love of his life, all of his children, and all of his grandchildren. Because Lucas' promotion was so recent, he still had time to finish in his old position, so he was able to be there when my uncle passed away and ensure that he was well taken care of immediately after his passing. Then, because he was also recently promoted, they allowed him to be there for my family during the service, making sure that everything went smoothly and all they wanted happened just right.
Through small little blessings and perfect timing, Lucas was allowed the opportunity to help my uncle and his family from the very first step through the very end. I'm not sure anyone has ever had that before, from pre-planning, to being the one there when he passes on, to being able to serve them during the memorial.
It was so beautiful. My uncle Dan was a great man, and I love that in a small way, our family got to be there for him. It all felt so perfectly orchestrated, there is no question in my mind that there is someone greater than us at the wheel.
Another small blessing with all this timing is related to our coming bundle of joy.
When Lucas switched jobs, we lost insurance. He switched companies 90 days before our baby is supposed to be delivered, meaning that we would need to find insurance while he waited 90 days for his new insurance to begin. If I couldn't switch insurance immediately, I would have no way to pay for a specialist, for any further pre-natal care, or for the delivery. I would be taking marternity leave, but if possible I will stay home with the baby after he is born. This would depend on Lucas' new job. Luckily, after some luck, I was able to switch to my company insurance with no gap in coverage.
We learned that the coverage through my company insurance was MUCH MUCH better than anything we could have dreamed of. We would be saving ourselves probably 100K through this insurance as the extensive monitoring with this baby and then the delivery at 36 weeks is going to be very costly.
In addition to the coverage being great, we had to switch doctors with the change of insurance. We were not sure we wanted to do this, as we liked the plan our first doctor had to deliver early and the experience he had. But we were no longer covered at his practice, so we made the switch.
Days before my birthday we had our first appointment with the new doctor.
It was AMAZING. They were SO helpful, and compassionate, and thorough. They searched our history, they immediately began weekly non-stress-test testing on our baby with ultrasounds and bloodwork that for some reason, nobody else even tried. They immediately referred us to a specialist to go over our history and to help make a plan to deliver this baby.
It seemed, finally, that instead of hearing "bad luck" as the reason we lost Molly and Kellen, we were with people who wanted to find us answers.
At our last appointment, our new doctor said, "This should not have happened to you. I cannot allow myself to believe that this was just bad luck two times so similarly. Something is happening, and I want to find out what that is. We will search everything. I will request more information from your other doctors. We will work with the specialists and make sure you get to bring a baby home."
And I suddenly realized that some doctors had told us they were carefully watching, they used the right words but didn't back it up with action, with questions, with a desire to help us. Until now.
I have never felt so happy or lucky in my life.
This new team of doctors has eased my heart and mind so much that I have finally begun to believe that this baby is going to make it to us. I even bought him a bed and a little outfit.
About a week after we have the baby, Lucas' insurance will begin at his new job, and I will switch to coverage through his company. It is the same company as the old doctor.
If Lucas would not have switched jobs exactly when he did, we would not have had the time to have this wonderful change in doctors just in time to carefully monitor and deliver the baby. He also would not have been in the right place to help my uncle and his family through every step of his final days.
As all of these things keep happening, I have honestly just laughed out loud to myself because its the only way to express the gratitude I feel at knowing that we are being guided, taken care of, and loved. We feel like our Heavenly Father's will, though it is not what we always expect, is always the better path. And I like to think that our little angels have helped everything to happen so perfectly.
We are so lucky.
And for your viewing pleasure, here are the most recent 3D/4D pictures of our little boy:
I cant wait to meet him!
Thursday, June 6, 2013
I'm 12 now. PART 1,000,000
I really want to just get my kid journal up because I think its hilarious to remember life being so simple but feeling like it was such serious stuff. It gets pretty intense here, so be ready. I bet you just can't believe I got over not getting a ferret and you are probably going crazy to see if I've made progress on my Wheat Thins addiction. We'll see, my friends.
This morning I was procrastinating going to work because I wanted to hang out with Lucas. I ate breakfast and still didn't want to go so I made a breakfast smoothie and had a 2nd breakfast. Lucas said, "Another breakfast?"
I said "Yes" and shake dripped onto my baby belly.
He shook his head and said, "You're just a Gluttonous King!"
When he got home from work this afternoon he was teasing me and I said, "I am the King and you will not tease me! You have been demoted to Jester. You are no longer my Queen!"
He said, "I'm not a Queen."
I said, "If I'm the King then you are the Queen. But not anymore, you are the Jester. Now dance."
He didn't dance. He's bad at all his jobs in the palace.
"Date: June 29, 1999 Today I woke up and did chores. then I went to the pool and saw Jontue J. there. For some reason I wanted to be near him or for him to scratch my back. I don't even think he's cute! (when I say HIM I mean Jontue's older brother James) Then I went to Erica's house and went through her sprinklers. Then I went to Erin L.'s farewell. (Oh yeah I also got my hair cut) <3 Amber H."
"Date: June 30, 1999
Today was quite the day! When I woke up there was no Job list!!! I went downstairs and heard steven talking on the phone. He was planning to go to Discovery Zone. Mom took Me, Steve, Steve's friend Brint, Emily, & Eli to DZ. It was a Blast. When I got home I jumped on teh tramp and then went to Pie Night and worked on some Beehive stuff. Slept in Mom's Bed! <3 Amber"
"Date: July. 1, 1999
Today I woke up at 12:00 (Noon) and right away went to Aunt Ellen's house to babysit. I babysat from 12:00 to 5:30 and when I got home we went to go get fireworks. Then I came home and hung out then went to bed. <3 Amber"
"Date:_____
Right Now I'm in the car going to Idaho! Were going for a family reunion on a lake and were camping. I forgot to write on the 4th of July. So I will tell you about it. Oh Oh. here comes Mom I'll write about it later <3 Amber"
"Date: 11/26/99
Holy Cow!! I havn't written in here for a long time. I guess I was gonna tell you about my family renunion but I can't remember. I do remember that we went cliff jumping adn Rachel H went off the highest rock the first time she ever jumped. I was too scared to go at the top so I went at the middle, and I had jumped in my life before that. Now, about resently. Yesterday was thanksgiving and it was at our house. Now I'm excited for Christmas and !!2000!! New Years! But wait I need to back up. In the Summer we went to the pool almost everyday. Of coarse Now it's closed so we don't go there. I started my first year in Middle School this year and at first I hated it because I had no friends and so much homeowrk, which was a big change because last year I had no homework at all. (actually for the past 2 years, 5th and 6th grade) So the home work thing made it worse. Also I was getting really low grades and I hate dislike my Science teacher. My language Arts teacher looks like she should be on my favorite show (friends) She just has that wierd look that makes her look like she must be famous. Now I'm doing better but I have a D+ in Science. (it should be a C but I was 2 points away from that.)
In October of coarse, Halloween. I went trick or treating even though it was a Sunday. She, Mom, couldn't find anything wrong with letting us go so we went. (she's cool for that. (not only that)) I didn't get as much candy as last year but I still got a lot. Now it's November and Thanksgiving is over. But on the bright side I'm getting suspended!
That most likely sounds really wierd but it is good instead of bad because I wasn't doing anything wrong. I just forgot to get my shots. I'm so excited because my almost best friend Morgan V is also getting suspended on the same day! Today I went skiing and totally sucked I fell down like every 5 seconds and now my butt is bruesed. But oh well. It was fun. I wish I would have snowboarded with Jason but I wouldv'e had ato rent a snowboard and that would cost $50.00!!! I didn't have enogh for that. On my last run I got a stomach ache and a head ache and had trouble finishing the run. Then Kristen, Jason, and Greg wanted to go down 1 more time so I took off my skiis layed down and fell asleep when they got back Jason woke me up and we went home. Now I'm writing this in bed but I'm laying on my side 'cause my butt hurts. About 3 1/2 weeks ago this boy who I've liked scinse 1st grade asked me out. I was sooo excited so I said yes. but sadly, (not really) I'm gonna dump him because all he ever did was say 'hi' so I'm saying goodbye to almost my lifelong dream. Ok back to Christmas. All I want (or mainly) is a baby cat (kitten) but I know I won't get one so I'm asking for a cat, a labtop, a CTR ring, and scriptures. If you didn't notice I canged the way I did my A's <3 Amber
sorry it was so long"
"Date: 11/27/99
It is realy early but I'll write anyway. Aunt Patty just called and there picking me up to babysit soon. I dont want to but I need the money and I hate to say 'no'. I want to go for 1 reason which is to see their new house. They'll be here soon so I have to go get ready. I'll write later. Maybe today. <3 Amber
Okay it's the same day as <-------------- Patty just called again and I dont have to babysit anymore. YES!! but that also means less money. Eli keeps trying to get this while I'm writing so I have to go. No, I dont. He stopped. I want to have a interesting journal but it must not be interest sciense nothing fun is happening. My butt still hurts a lot!! Now I do have to go. <3 Amber"
"Date: 11/28/99
I guess I'll finish writing about yesterday. After I found out I wasn't babysitting Morgan called and we went to Blockbuster Video and I used my gift card and ought the movie She's All That then we went to the Star Mart gas station and bought candy. We went home and watched the movie then Morgan had to elave and Steven, Me, Sarah, Emily, Eli and my mom decorated the tree. Jason and Dad were upstairs watching a movie. Today I slept in went to church then ate dinner and went to bed."
"11-29-99
Yes! Today steven got up and went to school and I got to sleep in. Today I'm gonna get a shot because I've been suspended untill I get a shot. What does this mean? 2 thing NO SCHOOL 4 NO REASON and a bad thing, I get a shot but along with a shot comes a shake so there is a bad and good. I'l write after I get the shot and tell about it. Sarah and Emily get to start school late today because Ellen is taking them to school because my mom doens't have a car. They are gonna be 1 1/2 hours late. I'm not sure what happened about Vinnie. His friend was upposed to break up with him for me but I dont know if he did I'll just have to wait. About the shot. It turns out that I'm gonna get it at 4:00 But that means that I have to go back to school tommorow I went to Walmart."
"Date:12/1/99
The shot was fine and I did end up getting it so I have been going to school. (darn) It hasn't been that bad. I've been getting work done and been doing pretty well. Today in Language Arts we started reading A CHRISTMAS CAROL and so far it is really good and I'm thinking about reading that for my outside reading book assignment. Today I went to young women's and made sugar coockies that tasted really good! Then when I came home it was only us girls home and Emily was watchign a movie so mom figured it was time for THE PUEBERTY TALK I have dredded that for so long but I think I might start so I guess It was a good time. It wasn't too bad just gross and hearing the same stuff I heard at school or at certain times when it was right. Sarah hated it and mom said she will get a more detailed talk about it later. I hate to say it but I want boobs but I have cimi started getting ONE, I'm so nervous that I will have uneaven boobs in the future. Well dad just got home and I'm supposed to be asleap so I have to go <3"
"Date:12/16/99 (BAD DAY)
At school I feel so unpopular and ugly. A boy on my bus, Jeff, always calls me funnylooking and people are always making fun of me. Steven makes fun of me right in front of me to my friends and it just makes me want to cry. Also SARAH IS PRETTIER THAN ME. I dont ever admit I think that. Also I think she is cooler than me. Morgan even says that. I'm having a bad day can you tell. At dinner I had milk come out my nose because I was laughing because of Jason AAND I GOT IN TROUBLE. Dad is way--------> overprotective. one day I was going to meet Morgan at the top of the street and my dad drove me that was so embarrasing. Dad needs to lighten up. <3 Amber Man it feels so good to let that out)
We just watched Joseph Smith Movie. Same Day. I guess dad is all right"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Also, I will update you on my present day life soon. Here is a tiny bit.This morning I was procrastinating going to work because I wanted to hang out with Lucas. I ate breakfast and still didn't want to go so I made a breakfast smoothie and had a 2nd breakfast. Lucas said, "Another breakfast?"
I said "Yes" and shake dripped onto my baby belly.
He shook his head and said, "You're just a Gluttonous King!"
When he got home from work this afternoon he was teasing me and I said, "I am the King and you will not tease me! You have been demoted to Jester. You are no longer my Queen!"
He said, "I'm not a Queen."
I said, "If I'm the King then you are the Queen. But not anymore, you are the Jester. Now dance."
He didn't dance. He's bad at all his jobs in the palace.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Date: June 29, 1999 Today I woke up and did chores. then I went to the pool and saw Jontue J. there. For some reason I wanted to be near him or for him to scratch my back. I don't even think he's cute! (when I say HIM I mean Jontue's older brother James) Then I went to Erica's house and went through her sprinklers. Then I went to Erin L.'s farewell. (Oh yeah I also got my hair cut) <3 Amber H."
"Date: June 30, 1999
Today was quite the day! When I woke up there was no Job list!!! I went downstairs and heard steven talking on the phone. He was planning to go to Discovery Zone. Mom took Me, Steve, Steve's friend Brint, Emily, & Eli to DZ. It was a Blast. When I got home I jumped on teh tramp and then went to Pie Night and worked on some Beehive stuff. Slept in Mom's Bed! <3 Amber"
"Date: July. 1, 1999
Today I woke up at 12:00 (Noon) and right away went to Aunt Ellen's house to babysit. I babysat from 12:00 to 5:30 and when I got home we went to go get fireworks. Then I came home and hung out then went to bed. <3 Amber"
"Date:_____
Right Now I'm in the car going to Idaho! Were going for a family reunion on a lake and were camping. I forgot to write on the 4th of July. So I will tell you about it. Oh Oh. here comes Mom I'll write about it later <3 Amber"
"Date: 11/26/99
Holy Cow!! I havn't written in here for a long time. I guess I was gonna tell you about my family renunion but I can't remember. I do remember that we went cliff jumping adn Rachel H went off the highest rock the first time she ever jumped. I was too scared to go at the top so I went at the middle, and I had jumped in my life before that. Now, about resently. Yesterday was thanksgiving and it was at our house. Now I'm excited for Christmas and !!2000!! New Years! But wait I need to back up. In the Summer we went to the pool almost everyday. Of coarse Now it's closed so we don't go there. I started my first year in Middle School this year and at first I hated it because I had no friends and so much homeowrk, which was a big change because last year I had no homework at all. (actually for the past 2 years, 5th and 6th grade) So the home work thing made it worse. Also I was getting really low grades and I
In October of coarse, Halloween. I went trick or treating even though it was a Sunday. She, Mom, couldn't find anything wrong with letting us go so we went. (she's cool for that. (not only that)) I didn't get as much candy as last year but I still got a lot. Now it's November and Thanksgiving is over. But on the bright side I'm getting suspended!
That most likely sounds really wierd but it is good instead of bad because I wasn't doing anything wrong. I just forgot to get my shots. I'm so excited because my almost best friend Morgan V is also getting suspended on the same day! Today I went skiing and totally sucked I fell down like every 5 seconds and now my butt is bruesed. But oh well. It was fun. I wish I would have snowboarded with Jason but I wouldv'e had ato rent a snowboard and that would cost $50.00!!! I didn't have enogh for that. On my last run I got a stomach ache and a head ache and had trouble finishing the run. Then Kristen, Jason, and Greg wanted to go down 1 more time so I took off my skiis layed down and fell asleep when they got back Jason woke me up and we went home. Now I'm writing this in bed but I'm laying on my side 'cause my butt hurts. About 3 1/2 weeks ago this boy who I've liked scinse 1st grade asked me out. I was sooo excited so I said yes. but sadly, (not really) I'm gonna dump him because all he ever did was say 'hi' so I'm saying goodbye to almost my lifelong dream. Ok back to Christmas. All I want (or mainly) is a baby cat (kitten) but I know I won't get one so I'm asking for a cat, a labtop, a CTR ring, and scriptures. If you didn't notice I canged the way I did my A's <3 Amber
sorry it was so long"
"Date: 11/27/99
It is realy early but I'll write anyway. Aunt Patty just called and there picking me up to babysit soon. I dont want to but I need the money and I hate to say 'no'. I want to go for 1 reason which is to see their new house. They'll be here soon so I have to go get ready. I'll write later. Maybe today. <3 Amber
Okay it's the same day as <-------------- Patty just called again and I dont have to babysit anymore. YES!! but that also means less money. Eli keeps trying to get this while I'm writing so I have to go. No, I dont. He stopped. I want to have a interesting journal but it must not be interest sciense nothing fun is happening. My butt still hurts a lot!! Now I do have to go. <3 Amber"
"Date: 11/28/99
I guess I'll finish writing about yesterday. After I found out I wasn't babysitting Morgan called and we went to Blockbuster Video and I used my gift card and ought the movie She's All That then we went to the Star Mart gas station and bought candy. We went home and watched the movie then Morgan had to elave and Steven, Me, Sarah, Emily, Eli and my mom decorated the tree. Jason and Dad were upstairs watching a movie. Today I slept in went to church then ate dinner and went to bed."
"11-29-99
Yes! Today steven got up and went to school and I got to sleep in. Today I'm gonna get a shot because I've been suspended untill I get a shot. What does this mean? 2 thing NO SCHOOL 4 NO REASON and a bad thing, I get a shot but along with a shot comes a shake so there is a bad and good. I'l write after I get the shot and tell about it. Sarah and Emily get to start school late today because Ellen is taking them to school because my mom doens't have a car. They are gonna be 1 1/2 hours late. I'm not sure what happened about Vinnie. His friend was upposed to break up with him for me but I dont know if he did I'll just have to wait. About the shot. It turns out that I'm gonna get it at 4:00 But that means that I have to go back to school tommorow I went to Walmart."
"Date:12/1/99
The shot was fine and I did end up getting it so I have been going to school. (darn) It hasn't been that bad. I've been getting work done and been doing pretty well. Today in Language Arts we started reading A CHRISTMAS CAROL and so far it is really good and I'm thinking about reading that for my outside reading book assignment. Today I went to young women's and made sugar coockies that tasted really good! Then when I came home it was only us girls home and Emily was watchign a movie so mom figured it was time for THE PUEBERTY TALK I have dredded that for so long but I think I might start so I guess It was a good time. It wasn't too bad just gross and hearing the same stuff I heard at school or at certain times when it was right. Sarah hated it and mom said she will get a more detailed talk about it later. I hate to say it but I want boobs but I have cimi started getting ONE, I'm so nervous that I will have uneaven boobs in the future. Well dad just got home and I'm supposed to be asleap so I have to go <3"
"Date:12/16/99 (BAD DAY)
At school I feel so unpopular and ugly. A boy on my bus, Jeff, always calls me funnylooking and people are always making fun of me. Steven makes fun of me right in front of me to my friends and it just makes me want to cry. Also SARAH IS PRETTIER THAN ME. I dont ever admit I think that. Also I think she is cooler than me. Morgan even says that. I'm having a bad day can you tell. At dinner I had milk come out my nose because I was laughing because of Jason AAND I GOT IN TROUBLE. Dad is way--------> overprotective. one day I was going to meet Morgan at the top of the street and my dad drove me that was so embarrasing. Dad needs to lighten up. <3 Amber Man it feels so good to let that out)
We just watched Joseph Smith Movie. Same Day. I guess dad is all right"
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Reading and Internetting
As a kid I used to love reading. I loved being read to, and reading books on my own. I enjoyed book assignments in school, and I would often stay up late chasing the moonlight across my floor, holding my book in the glow in order to read by it for hours.
Then social technology happened.
I have had moments where I am back into reading and I remember how much I love the smell of an old book and the feel of a bookstore. I used to dream that I would meet my husband in a bookstore because then I would know that he cares about people.
People who read a lot tend to care a lot, I thought.
Rhyme.
Well anyway, I miss books and I'm tired of social technology.
I'm thinking of downgrading my phone because I'm tired of Apps.
I'm thinking of getting rid of facebook because I'm tired of reading all the contradicting and equally convincing viewpoints being hurled around by my friends. I'm tired of the hundreds of finger pointing "smarter than you because I live my way and I'm happy, so you must be living wrong and surely you are less happy than me" articles. I am also tired of the blogs that put off the vibe of "having an opinion is bad because you will disagree with someone and how can you still love someone when you disagree with them?" That just causes people to stop feeling and stop learning and stop believing in right and wrong. I love learning but I want to learn things without them being presented by somehow putting someone else down. **
I love that my friends have their opinions, even when they are different than mine.
I dont love that they are sometimes so rude about sharing them.
I love that people want to be constantly connected and I dont feel like I am always missing the people I miss because I can find them virtually anytime.
I dont love that the first thing I do in the morning is check facebook out of habit and I feel some weird desire to know what is happening in everyone's life and I'm just nosy.
I love that I have very strong opinions about things and I would love to discuss them with people I know.
I dont love that rational discussion about controversial subjects just doesn't happen when tact, love, and respect vanish because people feel safe behind the screen of their computer.
So even though I'm dying to learn a lot from all my smart friends and I'm dying to share the things I've learned and the things I love, I will choose to do this in person.
I dont remember ever feeling this way when I read books. When I read a good book I think about the book, I think about my life, and I grow. If I dont grow I at least enjoy my time guilt free. I dont feel threatened or annoyed when I disagree with the person who wrote the book because I chose to pick it up and read it. It wasn't put in my face and presented as fact, spread around the like latest town gossip. I can choose to believe or not believe lessons in books, but it wont offend anybody. When I share my opinions in person, I will be forced to use tact and remember that I'm talking to people who might think I am 100% wrong and that's okay.
Books are going to be my intervention from the drug of social media.
I miss books so that is why I chose them to return to. I can still learn great things and funny things and love the way I spend my time. I will still be keeping up with friends on here because I do think its a great gift to be able to do so, but I will hopefully be less facebook affected soon. I will be too absorbed in books and my real life to get consumed in the hateful, harsh internet world.
So long story long, I asked my friends to send me a short list of books they love and I am honestly going to read all of them. I already own a couple, so I will read the ones I own first and then I will just go down the list.
First up: The Alchemist (Almost done. It's great so far.)
**(Is this the most hypocritical blog ever written?)
I'm really excited about this and I'm thankful for your help!
Then social technology happened.
I have had moments where I am back into reading and I remember how much I love the smell of an old book and the feel of a bookstore. I used to dream that I would meet my husband in a bookstore because then I would know that he cares about people.
People who read a lot tend to care a lot, I thought.
Rhyme.
Well anyway, I miss books and I'm tired of social technology.
I'm thinking of downgrading my phone because I'm tired of Apps.
I'm thinking of getting rid of facebook because I'm tired of reading all the contradicting and equally convincing viewpoints being hurled around by my friends. I'm tired of the hundreds of finger pointing "smarter than you because I live my way and I'm happy, so you must be living wrong and surely you are less happy than me" articles. I am also tired of the blogs that put off the vibe of "having an opinion is bad because you will disagree with someone and how can you still love someone when you disagree with them?" That just causes people to stop feeling and stop learning and stop believing in right and wrong. I love learning but I want to learn things without them being presented by somehow putting someone else down. **
I love that my friends have their opinions, even when they are different than mine.
I dont love that they are sometimes so rude about sharing them.
I love that people want to be constantly connected and I dont feel like I am always missing the people I miss because I can find them virtually anytime.
I dont love that the first thing I do in the morning is check facebook out of habit and I feel some weird desire to know what is happening in everyone's life and I'm just nosy.
I love that I have very strong opinions about things and I would love to discuss them with people I know.
I dont love that rational discussion about controversial subjects just doesn't happen when tact, love, and respect vanish because people feel safe behind the screen of their computer.
So even though I'm dying to learn a lot from all my smart friends and I'm dying to share the things I've learned and the things I love, I will choose to do this in person.
I dont remember ever feeling this way when I read books. When I read a good book I think about the book, I think about my life, and I grow. If I dont grow I at least enjoy my time guilt free. I dont feel threatened or annoyed when I disagree with the person who wrote the book because I chose to pick it up and read it. It wasn't put in my face and presented as fact, spread around the like latest town gossip. I can choose to believe or not believe lessons in books, but it wont offend anybody. When I share my opinions in person, I will be forced to use tact and remember that I'm talking to people who might think I am 100% wrong and that's okay.
Books are going to be my intervention from the drug of social media.
I miss books so that is why I chose them to return to. I can still learn great things and funny things and love the way I spend my time. I will still be keeping up with friends on here because I do think its a great gift to be able to do so, but I will hopefully be less facebook affected soon. I will be too absorbed in books and my real life to get consumed in the hateful, harsh internet world.
So long story long, I asked my friends to send me a short list of books they love and I am honestly going to read all of them. I already own a couple, so I will read the ones I own first and then I will just go down the list.
First up: The Alchemist (Almost done. It's great so far.)
- World War Z by Max Brooks
Is everyone hanging out without me (and other concerns) by Mindy Kaling-
The secret life of bees by sue monk kidd -
Heaven is for real by Todd burpo with Lynn Vincent - No doubt about it by Sheri dew
- Ishmael
- The kite runner
-
The alchemist - City of Bones and series
- The Art of Racing in the Rain
- Cold Mountain
- Codex Alera series
- Peace Like a River
- Okay For Now
- Glass Castle
- Bossypants
- Memoirs of a Geisha
Life of Pi- The Hiding Place
- The Scarlett Pimpernel
- Pride and Prejudice
- Hunger games series
- The Uglies
- Beautiful Creatures
- Clockwork Angel
- Clockwork Prince
- Clockwork Princess
- The Talisman By Stephen king.
- Walk Two Moons by Sharon Creech
- The Passage
- The Book Thief
- The Chestry Oak.
- A Thousand Splendid Suns
- And the Mountains Echoed.
Sing You Home
Picture Perfect
**(Is this the most hypocritical blog ever written?)
Saturday, June 1, 2013
Guest Blogger: 11 year old Amber PART 3
 |
| Not the right age as these entries, but close enough. |
"Date: Jan 2, 1999
I can't belive that I havn't written in so long. Iv'e been buisy babysitting for my cosins and I've earned lots of monyy. 20 bucks. 20 bucks for watching Jerum who does everything on his own. Sarah who just hung around me Rachel who didn't really need me there and Grant who played with a new reote control car. It was really an easy few hours. I can't belive christmas & New years is already over. I think 1999 sound stupid. I'm trying to save up lots of money so I can go to washington D.C. on a field trip. I'm not even half way there. for hristmas I got a new stereo and rollerblades. I also got a winnie the pooh watch. Eli turned two not two long ago and is talking a lot. Steven and Jason are always fighting . I'm afraid one of them is going to get badly hurt one day. Every night lately I've been going to bed at 11:00 at the earliest. (Not to long ago I got a huge cavity that almost was a root canal)"
"Date: 1/7/99
Today was a normal day and I just went to school. At shool I was feeling really wierd. I always was coppying Jeff he liked it because he thinks I'm cute. Lots of girls think he's cute but I dont think I do. Lately I have been finding myself looking for him or talking to him a lot. Sometimes I plan on helping him with his work. Rachel B is now becoming one of my best friends She wasn't before. I really want to be more in style but it not me. Well gotta go"
"Date: 3/29/99
Today I went to school and did normal work and lots of Math. At about 11:30 a girl from Sarah's class came to me and told me to come to Emily's class and help her feel better because she was crying. She was crying because she accidentally broke a math material. I stayed with her awhile until she felt better. Just now I hit my head really hard on my bunkbed. It was really cute today when Eli sat on the toilet and tryed to go potty. After lunch today Alexa, Malorie, Rachel, my teacher and I put on a scitt for the class.
AMBER
Oh yeah, I get to go to the N'SYNC concert!!!!!!!!YEAH WHOOPIEE!"
"Date: March 25
Today I played in the morning because I didn't go to school In the Morning. I didn't because I had a tour of the school I'm going to next year. It was boring! Then at school I ate lunch played and did a small amount of work. Once I got home I got ready to go babysitting at Ellen's.Nate and Kate and Meghan were all really good. Stayed there overnight.
AMBER :)"
"March 26, 1999
Today I stayed at Ellens house most of the day and played with the kids. Ellen had to go to conferences so Sarah and I watched the kids again. They were good. I got $15.00 for yesterday and today. I got home played comp. ate BLTs and came up to my room and listned to music. I also went to Mal's house. Listened to NSYNC! <3 <3 <3 a'lot."
"Date: Saturday June 26, 1999
2 days ago on the 24th of June Steven and I went to the mall at the pet store we saw a bunch of ferrets. One was white and Steven and I found out that we have enough for it and if my dad says "yes" we can get it. He has not answered yet. There ferret we want is a baby. AMBER H :)"
"Date: Sunday June 27, '99
Dad still hasn't answered about the ferret I wanted to write about my B-Day Party now. I'm finally 12 and had my Birthday party. I invited Erica R, Mercedes, A, Malorie S. Jillian T, Morgan V. , Jessica N., Rachel B., Briahnna E. , and Nicole C. couldn't come. Erica from next door came over for awile. Alexa S. came to. We pigged out on candy and weat things and we had a huge waterfight. Bri played Nintendo and I jumped on the tramp with to other girls. We opened presents I got:
1. NSYNC Poster from Alexa
2. Justin Poster and football from Jess.
3. Rubiks cute band squirt gun- Rachel.
4. Blockbuter gift card.-Jill
5. Candy and $5-Morgan
6. CD and cookies -Bri
7. Beanie baby- Mercedes
8. Beanie babies - Erica
9. Stencil and notepad -Malorie
from y family I got a wallet, a fake cat, and a CD.
It was an awesome b-day.
Yesterday Jeff S. moved to calif. so 2 weeks ago I went to Elitch's with him, Brandon, Jessica and me. I'm on sumer vacation and I swim a lot I also babysit.
Jason got a job at Dairy Queen and wants to get fired so he can work at walmart.
Steven is normal.
Sarah is normal.
Emily is sick.
Eli is getting pottytrained.
Mom is buisy and cool.
Dad is out of town.
Love Amber"
"Date: Monday 6/25/99
Dad's home!!! He said that we could get the ferret but it would cost so much for food and shots we decided not to get it. Steven and I went to wal*mart and bought a CD and Wheat thins. We jumped on the tramp a lot. instead of family night we watched 'Valcano' it was good. I still wish we got the ferret but I'm glad I wont have to spend that much money. <3 Amber"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)