Thursday, September 22, 2011

I have had a hard time writing about this pregnancy.
I really want to write about it, but I dont want to NOT be writing about her. 
I feel guilty writing about my life moving on and not mentioning Molly in every post.
She is, after all, on my mind all day. I miss her every second of every day. 
So, my joy at this pregnancy is real, but reserved.
I have only taken three belly photos, and I took those because I knew I would regret it later if I didn't.
I haven't mustered enough courage to start getting out the baby stuff again.
The last time we set up the crib was the same day we lost her.
I would rather just wait until he's here and safe and then come home and get the nursery ready.
But I am trying to convince myself that it's all in the Lord's hands, and I still need to be prepared.
If he is born healthy and happy we will love him the same as if we lose him too.
Fear is such a stumbling block. 
I just need to remember that it's okay to fall in love again.

I'm 22 weeks already and feeling him moving more and more everyday. Every kick is a comfort.
We really are blessed.


  

4 comments:

Scott and Morgan said...

Everything will be ok!

MaShay & Jason said...

The most important thing for me to remember in times of trial and fear and just plain bad days, is that fear is the opposite of faith. It's also the hardest thing for me to remember at those times. I am grateful you and little dude are healthy. I think of you often. Love you sister.

Brett Evans said...

Look at you, pretty girl! As I said to Lucas at breakfast once, I'll get all excited and giddy for you if you want, because I cannot wait to meet this kid.

Stephanie said...

I bet your little guy has had time to spend with his older sister, and hear how amazing his mama and daddy are. I bet he's already proud to have such a strong family to be joining, and I bet Molly is just as excited to have a brother who can keep her parents company while she waits for you all to meet with her again.