Some Changes

Our plan was that once Lucas got a good job, we would get a house, get a homestudy, and work through LDS Family Services towards our adoption. This was, of course, unless a birthmom contacted us privately, which we are completely open to. We would still get a homestudy, but it would all be private if this was what the baby's birth family wished for. Most people go through an agency, but private adoptions are become more common. Personally, we have had quite a few people contact us just through this blog, so I know that it is reaching people.

Even since my last blog we have had a birthmother contact us, however, after telling us that she thought we would be perfect, she changed her mind. So so sad. So the only option is to keep working towards where we want to be, in our personal life and with the agency.

In the name of keeping life progressing, Lucas just started his new, wonderfully perfect job! We are so excited for this huge step for our family. He will be making enough money to provide for our family when we do adopt our baby, so that I can stay home. So, the plan was to wait a few paychecks to save up some money, then find a place to live. It was finally here! After six and a half months of waiting and feeling stuck inbetween where we once were but where we needed to be, things were progressing! I felt like a train that had been just sitting on the tracks for months, but then finally it was rolling again!! We are so blessed.

I have been looking at townhomes, apartments, condos, and houses like it's my job. Then one day, I get a call at work from LDS Family Services. They ask how far along we are in our progression towards the homestudy, since there is a LOT of paperwork and background checks and fingerprints and references that need to be turned in. I was a little confused that he would call to ask us this. However, I couldn't talk then so I had him call Lucas.

Lucas text me about 20 minutes later and said "Call me when you can"
Curious, I called him right away. I said, "Hey did you talk to Kelly at LDS Family Services?"
He said, "Yeah. So, this is interesting."

uh oh.

They called to let us know that they have made a decision NOT to work with adopting couples anymore. There are no birth parents coming in so they have decided that working with couples directly is a bit fruitless since nobody is able to adopt anyway. We would need to find a completely new agency to work through and START ALL OVER.

That train I told you about, remember how it started rolling? Well it accidentally fell off the track and is now rolling down a huge hill.

This is the last thing you ever expect to happen. LDS Family Services is one of the oldest and largest adoption agencies out there. It was the plan from day one. Instead of getting discouraged, we talked about how strange this is, and maybe our children were not going to come to us through that agency. Maybe this happened for a reason, and we should see this as a step in the RIGHT direction. Maybe we were be redirected TOWARDS our family, and not away like it felt.

So, I got to finding a new agency. I had been researching an agency that my friend told me about. They are non-profit and their fees are reasonable. They seemed to really be there for the CHILDREN, so I liked them. So, the day after LDS Family Services let us know they couldn't work with us anymore, we filled out the application for Lifetime Adoption.

The application took a few hours and we sent it off. It said we would hear back from them in two weeks. Well, the next day Lucas gets an email from them that says they have decided they would not be able to help us on our journey towards adoption.

I'm pretty sure its because we are LDS, but I cant be positive. It's a Christian agency, however, there is a great misunderstanding that those of the LDS faith are not Christian. They said it was because they couldn't work with people in Colorado. (Wouldn't this have been posted on their site somewhere?) Curious, and a little downtrodden, I looked at their waiting couples. It took about five minutes before I found some couples from Colorado. I also searched and searched and under their "religion" section, I found no LDS couples.

My feelings were hurt, I'll be honest. That was TWO agencies in TWO days who let us know they could not (or would not) work with us! What is happening? Sometimes it would be really nice to have our next steps made for us, because we are at a loss for knowing where to go next. We will keep researching other agencies. I hadn't realized that it would be our faith that would cause people NOT to pick us, or even work with us. I know we would raise our children in a home full of love and laughter and understanding. We are kind. We are silly. We are in love. We are honest. We love children. We have so much good, and I believe our faith is a huge part of what will make our home a refuge from the world.

We are getting professional pictures taken of our family since we don't really have any, and I want to re-do this blog make a website that is more informative with videos of us and things. It will help birth-moms to get a better idea of who we are. Maybe it's a private adoption we are mant for. Maybe there is an agency out there somewhere that will lead us to our family.
I'm a bit lost knowing where to turn next.

Any help getting word out that we are hoping to adopt is needed more than ever, and we would be so very grateful. Thank you. <3 <3

So in the name of patience and more waiting. Here is a quote I found.

“Time has no meaning,
Love will endure..” Jude Deveraux

We already love them so much, and waiting longer wont change that. All this time and waiting will make the joy even sweeter when our time comes.

What's the word?

I wasn't sure about posting this because its too humildifying.

Can you guess the word before I do?

This happens to me more than it should.

Lucas loves it.

He just laughs away.

Desk Cuddle

Remember when I used to post something that made me laugh everyday? Well I liked that. So here's something from just now.

Lucas called me today while I was working and after we talked he said, "Okay, well I better go home and study".
I replied, "No. Come here and cuddle me. On my desk?"
Short pause.
 Lucas says, "On your desk?!"
I laugh and say. "Yup"
He waits a second, imagining it, and says, "I hate that cuddle! It makes me sick inside! First because we would be uncomfortable on a desk, and second because people would be like walking around us! We will never do that!"

Then I laughed for the rest of my life at his anti-desk-cuddling outrage.

**btw, I realize this may sound edited. It is not. We really were talking about cuddling.**

This is not my bed.

 Lucas and I are house/cat sitting this week!

(Oh and turns out I dont dislike cats. Their cats are great!)

Is it just me and Lucas  who get a bit freaked out by the house noises when sleeping in a new place?  Our imaginations get the better of us! There were a few times I was sure there was an evil person roughly the size of a cat jumping around upstairs with evil intentions.

The first two nights in the house I stayed there alone because Lucas' brother was at his parents so he wanted maximum time with his family. Immediately after getting there you better believe I checked every room for intruders. (Why wouldn't someone sneak into a random house and quietly sit in the bathtub waiting to be found?) Once I knew I was alone, i got comfy and watched some episodes of "Friends" while eating a handful of almonds.

After two nights of comfortable privacy  braving sleep in a new house and bed, Lucas was supposed to join me for the rest of the week. Hooray! Well, then i get a text that says "hey Amber its Chrsti, I realized i never gave you my address, its _________________. See you tomorrow!" Surprise!

About four months ago I interviewed with a lady about being an occasional overnight nanny for her 15 month old son. I had forgotten that we agreed on the end of July as a start date. So at about 10pm I hopped in the car and drove to the house of a lady I met once to sleep in a random bed. But I'm not one to refuse getting paid to sleep. I'll get paid to sleep all day long!

So, Lucas took over my post as the cat-sitter so I could go to my first overnight shift.

What I expected for my night:
~ Arrive. Baby's mom leaves.
~Peek at the baby, ooh and aww.
~Get in bed.
~Sleep.
~Wake up to baby waking up.
~Play until his mom gets home.
~Go home.

What Happened:
~Arrive. Baby's mom leaves.
~Peek at baby, ooh and aww.
~Get in bed.
~baby wakes up.
~I pretend to be baby's mom and keep lights all off so he cant see my face. Pick him up. He wraps his arms around my neck and scrunches his face up into my neck and goes back to sleep.
~I melt into a gigantic puddle.
~Regain composure and put baby back in bed.
~I get in bed and start falling asleep.
~Wake up about every 15 minutes thinking someone is in the house. (To be fair it was a really old house so it was really creaky. Plus there was a crazy thunder/rain storm outside so it was being extra spooky.)
~Wake up in the middle of the night to what I thought was a bear coming to eat me. Turns out their giant lab was actually not as "locked" in the basement as I was told.
~Take dog out to use bathroom. I'm too tired and unfamiliar with his habits to know if he did or not, but when he comes inside I let him into the basement again. I go back to bed.
~Sleep another half hour when I wake up to what sounds like something peeing in the hall.
~Go outside and notice that their vent is pouring water from the ceiling to the floor and down the stairs because of the insane rain outside.
~Stumble through the house to find something to gather the water in. The sound of the water as it hits the bowl is super loud so I quickly find a paper towel wad to shove in the bottom of it to quiet the sounds and hope that it helps prevent a full-on flood in their house.
~Go back to bed.
~Wake up at 5:00 to my alarm telling me to get up and go to work.
~Snooze.
~Wake up at 5:30 to my alarm telling me I'm a lazy bones.
~ Wake up and get dressed, check the house. Stairs are soaked and bowl from the leaking ceiling is full to the rim. I dump it out and dry to sop up some of the water on the stairs.
~ I realize the closer I get the basement the more it smells like poop.
~Go in the basement and realize that the big dog had thrown up in his kennel, broken out of said kennel, eaten a giant bag of dog food, felt sick, came to wake me up, I let him out, he was scared of the storm, came back in, I put him in basement, he then pooped all over the basement while I went back to sleep.  Good Morning. Let out two of the other dogs and take them outside, then try to keep them away from all the poo that is inside.
~Check on the baby, he's laying happy and awake in his crib.
~He stares at me like "who. are. you?" I say "Hi, Rylan!" He smiles and lets me get him out of the crib.
~I then play with him/fall in love with him until 7:30 when his mom gets home.
~I say goodbye, tell her about the poo and the leak she says "Oh I'm sorry. That happens, yeah, during storms." She was so normal and happy about it, haha.
~I drive to work at the dealership.

About half way through my shift at work I call Lucas to see how HIS house-sitting night went.
He says, "It's kind of spooky!"
And I thought it was cute picture him being freaked out of sounds and shadows too. Its funny how when you're in a new place or in the right mood at night, this:

Can feel more like this:

I go back in two weeks for my second overnight shift, and even if its a poopy floody crazy night of scary house sounds, I'll like it; I mean, look at this face!