Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Some Changes

Our plan was that once Lucas got a good job, we would get a house, get a homestudy, and work through LDS Family Services towards our adoption. This was, of course, unless a birthmom contacted us privately, which we are completely open to. We would still get a homestudy, but it would all be private if this was what the baby's birth family wished for. Most people go through an agency, but private adoptions are become more common. Personally, we have had quite a few people contact us just through this blog, so I know that it is reaching people.

Even since my last blog we have had a birthmother contact us, however, after telling us that she thought we would be perfect, she changed her mind. So so sad. So the only option is to keep working towards where we want to be, in our personal life and with the agency.

In the name of keeping life progressing, Lucas just started his new, wonderfully perfect job! We are so excited for this huge step for our family. He will be making enough money to provide for our family when we do adopt our baby, so that I can stay home. So, the plan was to wait a few paychecks to save up some money, then find a place to live. It was finally here! After six and a half months of waiting and feeling stuck inbetween where we once were but where we needed to be, things were progressing! I felt like a train that had been just sitting on the tracks for months, but then finally it was rolling again!! We are so blessed.

I have been looking at townhomes, apartments, condos, and houses like it's my job. Then one day, I get a call at work from LDS Family Services. They ask how far along we are in our progression towards the homestudy, since there is a LOT of paperwork and background checks and fingerprints and references that need to be turned in. I was a little confused that he would call to ask us this. However, I couldn't talk then so I had him call Lucas.

Lucas text me about 20 minutes later and said "Call me when you can"
Curious, I called him right away. I said, "Hey did you talk to Kelly at LDS Family Services?"
He said, "Yeah. So, this is interesting."

uh oh.

They called to let us know that they have made a decision NOT to work with adopting couples anymore. There are no birth parents coming in so they have decided that working with couples directly is a bit fruitless since nobody is able to adopt anyway. We would need to find a completely new agency to work through and START ALL OVER.

That train I told you about, remember how it started rolling? Well it accidentally fell off the track and is now rolling down a huge hill.

This is the last thing you ever expect to happen. LDS Family Services is one of the oldest and largest adoption agencies out there. It was the plan from day one. Instead of getting discouraged, we talked about how strange this is, and maybe our children were not going to come to us through that agency. Maybe this happened for a reason, and we should see this as a step in the RIGHT direction. Maybe we were be redirected TOWARDS our family, and not away like it felt.

So, I got to finding a new agency. I had been researching an agency that my friend told me about. They are non-profit and their fees are reasonable. They seemed to really be there for the CHILDREN, so I liked them. So, the day after LDS Family Services let us know they couldn't work with us anymore, we filled out the application for Lifetime Adoption.

The application took a few hours and we sent it off. It said we would hear back from them in two weeks. Well, the next day Lucas gets an email from them that says they have decided they would not be able to help us on our journey towards adoption.

I'm pretty sure its because we are LDS, but I cant be positive. It's a Christian agency, however, there is a great misunderstanding that those of the LDS faith are not Christian. They said it was because they couldn't work with people in Colorado. (Wouldn't this have been posted on their site somewhere?) Curious, and a little downtrodden, I looked at their waiting couples. It took about five minutes before I found some couples from Colorado. I also searched and searched and under their "religion" section, I found no LDS couples.

My feelings were hurt, I'll be honest. That was TWO agencies in TWO days who let us know they could not (or would not) work with us! What is happening? Sometimes it would be really nice to have our next steps made for us, because we are at a loss for knowing where to go next. We will keep researching other agencies. I hadn't realized that it would be our faith that would cause people NOT to pick us, or even work with us. I know we would raise our children in a home full of love and laughter and understanding. We are kind. We are silly. We are in love. We are honest. We love children. We have so much good, and I believe our faith is a huge part of what will make our home a refuge from the world.

We are getting professional pictures taken of our family since we don't really have any, and I want to re-do this blog make a website that is more informative with videos of us and things. It will help birth-moms to get a better idea of who we are. Maybe it's a private adoption we are mant for. Maybe there is an agency out there somewhere that will lead us to our family.
I'm a bit lost knowing where to turn next.

Any help getting word out that we are hoping to adopt is needed more than ever, and we would be so very grateful. Thank you. <3 <3

So in the name of patience and more waiting. Here is a quote I found.
“Time has no meaning,
Love will endure..”
Jude Deveraux
We already love them so much, and waiting longer wont change that. All this time and waiting will make the joy even sweeter when our time comes.


Rachael Vinton said...

Oh Amber... what a hard thing on top of so many hard things! I admire your faith! What an incredible woman you are! The children that end up in your home will truly be blessed beyond measure. What an inspiration you are. Thanks for sharing and many prayers and love sent your way :)

brandilyn said...

the agency lying to you makes me so irritated for you! if it's because of your religion, whatever, just say that--don't lie about it! uuugh i'm so sorry things are moving slowly right now. i love you guys and you're cute family is always in my prayers!

For the Love of French said...

I was under the impression that anyone anywhere working with LDS Family Services could pick any adoptive family...so ie. someone in Utah sees your profile and decides they want you, then you can choose if you want to drive to Utah, you should ask them about that. That is what they did when I worked for them years ago...if anything I might be able to talk to a friend about it and find out more. Give me a couple weeks.


Rachel said...

I am so sorry Amber! So discouraging! I agree with Brandilyn--if it's your religion, just say that! LDSFS doesn't work with couples who aren't LDS, but they state that clearly in the paperwork. And speaking of LDSFS, Rebekah is right that a birthmom outside of Colorado can pick you. I had heard that the Colorado office was no longer doing home studies for adoptive couples (because they want to focus on reaching out to birthparents), but if you have a different agency do your home study, LDSFS will still put your profile on the site and then help you with post-placement stuff. I could be wrong on that, but that's what I was told.

I am definitely going to try to get the word out about you and Lucas! You two will be the BEST parents ever. I am so sorry that the road has been so difficult!! I am praying for you.

If you would ever consider special needs adoption, this agency almost always has waiting babies, and their fees are reasonable. http://www.spence-chapin.org/adoption-programs/b1f_special_needs.php

Praying for you!

Keeley Farrell said...

Hang in there! It took my family 5 years before we were able to adopt my little sister! It's a hard process, but it is so rewarding.