Mothers' Day

Mothers' Day was great. I was worried it would be super emotional but instead it was just a happy day.

Lucas got me some sweets because sweets are my favorite. I'm talking chocolate dipped strawberries and a giant cupcake that I keep saving because its so pretty but I should probably eat it.
My sister-in-law surpised me with a bouquet of flowers that are so pretty and now sit on my desk at work.

My brother and his wife called me and wished me a happy mother's day and I had some sweet messages on facebook.
We went in the morning to the cemetery to visit the babies. My mom and brother came too and brought lots of bright colored daisies, which was really sweet. Kellen stilll has no headstone so we just layed his flowers on the grass above him. We designed his headstone, and should finally have enough saved up (thanks to the donations of some wonderful wonderful people) to have it start being made soon.

After visiting the babies, we went to church where my mom spoke and talked about her mom, Elaine, who was inspirational in so many ways. I've never met her, but I hope my children know her well.
After church we went to my aunts house and had dinner with lots of my extended family. It was a great time.

It was a good day to be a mom. :)

By next year I would love to have a little one to hug on Mother's Day, though. That's my goal.

I'll Go Back One Day!

(This post should have pictures but they are stuck on my old phone and I cant send them to myself now.
I apologize.)

A couple weeks ago my old friend Sara invited me to go to a Rockies game with her. Lucas was out of town and her husband was working so it was pretty perfect. We hadnt hung out like that since probably 3rd grade, maybe you could count some church activites later on in life but not much.

Anyway, we had such a great time. I didn't pay any attention to the game and kept accidentally cheering with the opponent's fans that happened to surround us. It was too distracting to talk to Sara. Then it started flashing lightning, raining, and hailing on us so everyone was kicked out of the game and the feild was covered with a giant mat. Sara and I were freezing but had tons of fun walking through the rain and trying to convince the employees to give us free jackets (They didn't- I've lost my touch). We rode the lightrail home from Denver and by the time we got home our cheeks and abs hurt from laughing.

There was a drunk girl on the lightrail home that looked super familiar to Sara and I. We coudln't figure out how we knew her but we ended up sitting next to her. She was on the phone talking like a baby, leaning slumped in the seat and saying into the phone "I'm on the lightrail! That is where I am! I am on the lightrail, seriously! I know that's where I am. I'm seriously on the lightrail!" She hung up the phone and laughed and slurs to us, "I mean that's where I am. I'm like' UH I AM ON THE LIGHTRAIL!" We laughed and mentioned that she looked familiar to us and she asked about some schools we knew nothing about, told us she was 28 so we probably wouldn't have had the same group of friends. We almost gave up and she goes "WAIT, ARE YOU MORMON?"

We decided we knew her from girls' camp long ago. It was so funny.
We talked to her and her sober chaperone on the train embarassedly put up with her antics until they got to their stop. As drunk girl staggered off the lightrail she yells over to us
"I'LL GO BACK TO CHURCH ONE DAY!!!"

We had a good laugh over that one. So did everyone around us. :)

Anyway, it was really good to have a girls' night and just hang out and have fun. I should do that more often. I sure love hanging out with Lucas but I like it so much that we often just stay home and enjoy being with each other. Its causing me to neglect some of my friends, and now I remember why they are my friends. I LIKE THEM!

Oh, and the Rockies lost once the rain stopped.

Wishing you a...

Thinking of some amazing women today.

There are some who will never understand.

They will always think you took the easy way out.

But to those who know, we are humbled by you. 

We know there was nothing easy about your decision.

We are amazed to know you and we see the wings you wear.

And your child now lives the life you chose for them,

 each day feeling your heart beating inside of them.

A heart so full of love from their first mother. 

So no matter how they know you,

Tummy Mommy,

Birthmom,

 maybe First Mom

or friend,

You are a wonderful Mother.

 

 

Couldn't be a military wife

I would miss Lucas too much.
And Lucas would miss me too much.

He would also miss Moose. Wouldn't you? Look at his face! His grandpa eyebrows are beyond amazing. He thinks the mouse arrow on the screen is a bug and has tried to eat it his whole life. Once his mind is set he can hardly be distracted from his goal. This is a video of today's attempts.

(Please excuse his eye booger and unkempt appearance. I'm bathing him tomorrow, also he's a dog. )

I've posted a lot about Moose lately. I'm betting nobody else finds my dog as entertaining as I do, but oh well.

HappySad.

It is a strange feeling to feel joy and sorrow simultaneously. Its difficult to process and it usually leads to tears for me. 

Today at work we had our bi-weekly sales meeting. I had forgotten to turn my volume down on my phone and mid-meeting I received a loud text message. I quickly grabbed it and in order to turn off the sound I opened the message I had been sent.

I immediately learned that my brother, Jason,  had just become the proud father of a beautiful little girl.
6 pounds, 6 ounces and a head full of hair.

My heart leapt with joy, but on the way down it ripped in half. I felt heavy and no longer cared about the meeting. I just wanted to hold my babies.

A few months ago we learned that their baby had a heart condition and there was a chance she would need heart surgery at birth. Our family fasted and prayed for her and her heart fixed itself despite the odds. She is healthy and gorgeous.  She is the first granddaughter of my parents since Molly. She's a miracle.

It only took a second of looking at her picture and I started to cry. I had conflicting emotions. I was SO happy she was okay and here safely and that my brother and his wife had a beautiful daughter to add to their family. (She is Hank's sister). At the same time I was overcome with a heart that suddenly remembered how empty it feels. I missed my babies so much in that moment.

I hadn't expected to react this way. When Mara was born I was ready for it. Maybe its because this time this is my own brother's baby? I'm not sure. Maybe its because she's the first girl on my side of the family and it feels a bit like she is replacing Molly as the oldest granddaughter of my parents. I'm not sure why, but I had a hard time. However, because I was about to present numbers in the meeting, I tried to wipe away my tears and tough it out until the meeting ended. I had to actively try to think of other things and if I thought for a second about my brothers sweet little girl I would immediately tear up. I forced thoughts away and made it through the meeting. I dont think anyone could tell how shaken up I was when I got up to present numbers. As soon as the meeting ended I quickly walked upstairs to my office. I closed the door sat down at my desk. I knew there was no stopping it and I buried my head and let myself cry.

I cried because I felt guilty for feeling any sadness when this was such a happy moment.  I wanted to feel only happiness. I didn't want them to lose their baby- I knew that. I wanted them to have her and I wanted her to be okay. I was thrilled that she was fine. (For the record, I would not wish losing a baby on my worst enemy.)
 I hated making this about me, when this was such an important event for THEM.  And I really was happy for them. I imagined them holding her and looking into her face and feeling the overwhelming love that comes when you see your baby for the first time. The image gave me joy and jealousy and sadness. I felt broken and happy.
I couldn't handle my mixed emotions.
I felt selfish for feeling so jealous of them. 

Mostly, I think I cried because their daughter got the miracle we prayed for and Molly and Kellen didn't.
If miracles can happen, why didn't they for us? Why did we lose both of them? It felt unfair, really.

Once I started I could not stop. I cried for a good hour until my manager came in to see if I was okay and to tell me he was sorry. Then I pulled myself together and went about my work with red eyes and a swollen face.

I kept on trying my hardest to shut out my feelings about me and focus on the happy side of my emotions. It worked for the most part. I was able to remember that my children were given a blessing and will be raised one day when the world is a better place.
 I waited until I could congratulate my brother with only feelings of happiness and I sent them a text of congrats and told them to give my love to their new baby. My sister-in-law text me back and then I got a text from my brother. They always seem to be aware of how others feel. They are pretty in-tune.

Jason, my brother, sent me this :"I love you, Amber. As I have been sitting here thinking about you guys today a scripture came to mind: Alma 36:18-21. The circumstances are different, but I was filled with excitement for the day that this scripture is fulfilled for you guys."

I immediately looked it up and read through tears.

"18 Now, as my mind caught hold upon this thought, I cried within my heart: O Jesus, thou Son of God, ^ahave mercy on me, who am ^bin the ^cgall of bitterness, and am encircled about by the everlasting ^dchains of ^edeath.

 19 And now, behold, when I thought this, I could remember my ^apains ^bno more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more.

 20 And oh, what ^ajoy, and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!

 21 Yea, I say unto you, my son, that there could be nothing so exquisite and so bitter as were my pains. Yea, and again I say unto you, my son, that on the other hand, there can be nothing so exquisite and sweet as was my joy."

It was so comforting. I know our joy will come. We will have our family one day when the time is right.  I called Jason today and we talked about how we were feeling. He was feeling similar feelings of joy and sadness today when thinking about Lucas and I. Hes a great brother. 

So, I had a moment, but I'm better now. I'm so happy that my little niece is here.

Welcome to the family, Nora! I Love you already.

 

My car won't brake for The Avengers

The Acura dealership where I work hosted a pre-release screening of The Avengers the day before it was released. People were pretty excited about it. 

Hadley and I invited 250 guests, and after she had her baby I took over. I made sure everything was scheduled, met with the movie theater management to get everything planned, arranged to have three demo cars that were all decked out in S.H.I.E.L.D. gear on display in the lobby, and put together 250 give-away bags that ate up my office for a couple days.

The morning of the premier I was pretty excited. I already saw the movie so I knew everyone was going to love it which made it more exciting. I have worked a few hours late every day getting ready for everything and by about noon of yesterday I was ready. I got caught up on all my Non-Avengers work and had two hours to take a break between work and getting back to Courtesy Acura to get everything and everyone ready to go to the movie theater.

As I left the dealership to go get some food I was stopped at a red light facing down a pretty steep hill when all the sudden my brake pedal stopped holding the vehicle, slammed to the ground, and my car started rolling into the intersection. I held the brake on the ground (though by now I knew it was doing nothing) and yanked up on the e-brake to keep me from slamming into traffic that would not have seen me coming.

I laughed at the timing. Lucas and I have  had no issues with our Escape since we bought it about three years ago. Its been solid and reliable. But it chose today to have the brakes break. Or not brake, if you will.

I knew I had to run home to get things for the movie, and I live about 15 miles away. I had to take two highways and drive through two cities to get home. Maybe I'm an idiot, but I worked too hard to let my car with no brakes keep me from getting my first even at my job from going well, so I just kept on driving. I used my emergency break to assure I stopped before hitting any cars. I drove super slowly on my way home and made it safe and sound into the driveway.

As soon as I turned the car off I heard a clunk and when I got out of the car there was fluid all over the underside of the car next to the front tires. I'm pretty sure it was brake fluid and my car was basically giving up forever. I now had 20 minutes to make it back to the dealership.

I ran inside and grabbed the keys to my in-laws car, let moose out, grabbed some water and the things I needed for the movie, and drove back to the dealership in a working car. Somehow I made it back on time and once at the theater the GM and I left to get everything set up at AMC 24.

We set up a table to greet our customers and had a wait line. Soon guests started arriving, we greeted them, gave them their goodie bags, their phones were taken away by representative from Disney (because it was an early screening- which was kinda silly because it was being released 5 hours later for the midnight showing- but oh well), and soon everyone was seated and watching The Avengers.

It was my first time coordinating and pulling off such a big event. It was really fun to turn and see everyone laughing and having so much fun. Everyone was so excited and was really happy to be there, so it made the long hours worth it. (Also I got to see it again for free which helps in the happiness)
When the movie ended we said goodbye to all our happily new Avengers-obsessed customers (seriously. Everyone was SO into it), and then I got to drive a shield car home for the night.
I love my job. And Acuras. And The Avengers.

Loots of Thoots.

Lucas is taking his final right this second for his Real Estate classes!

I'm so happy for him because he has loved learning everything and is SO excited to start his life in Real Estate. I love seeing how excited it makes him thinking about his future. :)

He takes his licensing exam next week and he already knows some brokerages he wants to talk to about getting started with them. Fingers crossed!

I've had popcorn every day for about two months and I'm still not sick of it.

 Lucas leaves tonight to go to Utah for our niece's baby blessing. I am sad that I cant make it. Baby blessings are really hard for me, though, so at least I wont have another Sunday headache from crying. I wish I was getting to meet miss Mara though! She is the first baby girl born in either of our families since Molly was born and I thought that would be harder on me than it has been. Instead I just want to hold her and meet her. After all, it wasn't that long ago and she was hanging out with her cousins and they were telling her how awesome her aunt and uncle Amber and Lucas are! (hopefully!) I'm bummed that I have work and cant go. Its just going to be me and my sister-in-law Hayley and our cute puppies for 4 days.

Speaking of puppies, Moose is hysterical. He watches you so closely when you talk, then when he wants something he sits on your lap and puts his front paws on your chest and tries to talk to you. He moves his tongue around and makes some of craziest sounds. He is patient at first but gets excited if you show any excitement and starts smothering your face with his chest. I have tried filming it and this is the closest I have gotten.

My job is still great and I love it. My boss just gave me a new ongoing project to take on that will end up getting me paid more so that's awesome! But what's even more awesome is that my boss is a great person. It makes such a big difference when you respect the person you work for and they are nice. Woohoo! (Hadley came in the other day to visit and brought her sweet baby girl. She had the happy glow of a mom in love with her baby. One day.)

Last night, Lucas and I found a townhome that we love! We haven't gone to look at it yet, but we will if it's not sold by the time he gets back in town next week. I want it. I look at the houses on the market all the time.

Blue Bell ice cream is the king of ice cream. When I finish this popcorn I'm having some.

Things with adoption, as people have asked, are okay. I receive emails daily of children seeking homes but they all need a current home study so I haven't been able to inquire about most of them. I am SO excited for Lucas to get his license in a few weeks so we can get our home and get our home study approved. We were on such a roll in Idaho and moving here really slowed things down. I really feel that everything happens for a reason and there is a specific reason we need to be in Colorado right now. As always, thank you for your support and for keeping word out that we are hoping to adopt. We feel hopeful.

Speaking of adoption...Lucas plays the SIMS sometimes. He likes to design houses. So he made himself a character and then he made me. Our characters got married. The other night I couldnt sleep and I came downstairs and he was up late on the computer. I came up behind him and he turned and said "Hi! We just adopted a little girl! She's so cute and has red hair and her name is Rose and I can't stop playing with her!" It was pretty adorable to know that when some husbands are up late at night on the computer there are reasons to worry, but my husband stays up late having too much fun practicing adoption. :)

I am trying to plan Lucas' 30th birthday adventure! He has not given me any hints as to what he might want but I'm trying to get creative. After all, 30 is a big deal! If you happen to be great at planning birthday celebrations let me know...or plan it for me and make it good because he deserves it. Also, if you are friends with Lucas and happen to be in the area in the end of June then you should come help us party!


I have been writing this in little spurts all day and guess what? Lucas passed his tests! I'm so proud of him. One test to go and he will be able to sell everyone we love a house in Colorado.

Last but certainly not least, my friend sent me these scriptures today and I love them.
"Romans 8:16-18

 ¹⁶The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God:
 ¹⁷And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together.
 ¹⁸For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us."

King James Version (KJV)