Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Day 15) My house

What I like about my house apartment.

I really like our apartment. Our first apartment was great, it had a big large kitchen that was open to a big family room and it had two huge bedrooms. However, it was a dungeon basement apartment and the lack of windows and constantly needing to turn on lights and do laundry at a laundromat got old after a year.

So we moved to another apartment, it was MUCH smaller but it had a washer and dryer and windows to the outside world :) It was great for a while, but it got to feeling smaller and smaller and we had the office in the kitchen and really wanted a second bedroom. We were going to stay there until the lease was up, but then we lost Molly.

We had imagined coming home to that apartment with her. We, for months and months, had imagined the sleepless nights and the amazing days with our baby in that little apartment. It was supposed to be Molly's first home. But when we lost her that apartment seemed to fill with a tangible loneliness. When we came home from the hospital, Lucas helped me up the stairs (its a third floor apartment and I had just had major surgery and couldn't even lift my right leg on my own.) We opened the door and walked into a house that was not filled with baby stuff. It did not have congratulations balloons in every corner. It was empty. It was lonely. It was awful. I cried for about an hour when we got home. Lucas held me on our bed and we cried and cried. Coming home there was supposed to be a baby, not just a scar, a bandage, and a broken heart.

I knew that moving would not remove the pain of missing Molly, but we both felt the need to be able to change something. We needed a place that didn't torture us even more. I can't explain why it made sense, but to us it did. We needed to move. So we found a third apartment. It has two bedrooms, an open kitchen/ living room, two bedrooms (Yay!), a washer and dryer, better parking, good ward, beautiful backyard, and allows us to get Moose! We found it, sold our old contract, and moved in like 5 days. It was fast, but it was good. It has helped us. We still miss her very much, but this apartment doesn't constantly remind me of that day we came home without our baby girl.

Here are pictures of our new apartment...we haven't hung pictures or painted or decorated at all yet, but we will eventually.


Jana said...

CUTE apartment! I'm in love with your bed. I dream of the day where we have more than a metal frame for a bed. I'm also jealous of the fall leaves on the ground in your backyard. No such thing as fall here in SF.

Stacy said...

Your apartment is beautiful! I'm so jealous of your washer and dryer...hopefully someday I can do laundry at my own house.

Stephanie said...

oh my gosh I LOVE your place!! I am in a basement apartment with pay per use laundry hopefully we find something with out own laundry before we have another baby...but since we just recently painted I'm not ready to leave it yet. Have fun decorating it!

Kara said...

I found your blog through MaShay's Blog. I have to say, i have never been through what you have, but you have a way to put me right into your shoes. I cried reading Molly's story and I only know her through your words. Thank you.