Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Big Decisions?! AAAH!

Getting back into school is so exciting to me. It is making me feel useful again. Like suddenly its not just Lucas that is working hard to help our family be the best it can.

I re-applied to school with the intention of becoming a nurse. The nurses who were there the night Molly died were wonderful, comforting, sympathetic, and full of love. It was inspiring. It actually really did ease some of the pain. It made me want to be there like that for other couples who may go through something similar. I have always loved hospitals, and the medical atmosphere, and considered being a nurse before this happened. However, after going through something like that my resolve to be a nurse was much stronger.

One of my nurses sat with me and held my hand as I cried during the 45 minutes I was alone, laying in bed, wondering if Lucas was with Molly in another hospital. While I wondered if my baby would make it. I didn't know her, I dont even think I looked at her. I dont think I answered her when she talked to me. All I know is that I felt her there holding my hand, and I didn't feel alone. I appreciated it.

Another nurse quietly stood in the room while Lucas and I were with Molly and took pictures of us. She was not in our face, she was not trying to make it a photo shoot. She said nothing, she sat there with tears falling down her face taking pictures so we could preserve a bit of this moment. She didn't have to do that. We didn't ask her to, she just did it. I wouldn't have the pictures of us with Molly had she not been there for us.

When Lucas gave a blessing to both me and Molly, the nurses stood in the room, and just listened and cried with us. They didn't feel like an invasion to our privacy, they were SO respectful.

Another nurse took pictures after Molly passed away and they were putting her in a new dress. (I will forever wish I had done this) She got pictures of Molly's feet and hands, and pictures we didn't think of (we weren't thinking of anything. Our world was shattered). The next day was her day off, but she still went and got the pictures printed and brought them to the hospital for us. It was SO kind.

I want to be one of these women. I feel I have love to give, and I know how much of a difference it can make.

Sounds like I know for sure its what I want right? You would think.

My other passion is for children in the foster care system, and children headed there. As you may have noticed in my dream blog I dream about orphans and saving babies all the time.

Few things make me more upset than seeing child's whole life tick by without the loving family they deserve. I am passionate about this. I think about it and talk about it all the time. Many times I have sat in front of the computer reading the stories of the poor children around the world who have grown up being passed from horrible situation to horrible situation. I ache for the life they are missing out on. I want to hold them and tell them I love them. I want to be the person who NEVER gives up on them. I read their stories until I can't handle any more and I am bawling in bed and Lucas is holding me and promising we will adopt children when we can.

Recently something happened where I felt that I was in a position to try and help a baby who was about to be adopted into a family that was completely unstable and unable to provide the love and care she would need. It is a very messy situation and I dont want to post too many details, but lets just say the children this family currently has are at risk of being taken away and the fact that this private adoption might go through is making me sick to my stomach. I witnessed the neglect, and drug use going on in that family. More details would leave you agreeing with me, I promise.

So I am currently doing all I know how to in an effort to help this baby end up in loving arms of capable parents. I would do it, I would raise her. There are SO many parents waiting, hoping, and praying for the chance to have a child enter their home because they are unable to have children. Why dont THEY have this chance? I want a deserving family to get this baby.

So I called DCFS. I called their lawyer. I wrote a letter. I called the hospital. I am trying to save this baby. And you know what? I have never felt more needed. Something that REALLY matters is happening. Everyday I wake up with a purpose, a baby needs me. It might not be MY baby, but it is a baby who needs to find a home.

I know I'm doing the right thing. I know this child, and the children in that home already deserve a better life. They are entitled to it.

The fire inside me about helping children who have, by no fault of their own, ended up in love-less, abusive, neglectful, drug filled, and parentless lives is growing and growing. It is making me consider a degree in social work.

I want to help these kids. I want to help the families who need the kids as these kids need them.

Did you know that a child's chance of getting adopted after they are 3 years old drops so significantly that in some countries they are marked as "unadoptable" and placed in homes where the government becomes their parents for life? THREE years old. It breaks my heart.

Some children have funds of money to be given to the parents who will adopt them to help with costs of the legal adoption and medical care. But it sits there and sits there and sits there. Nobody wants these children. Too many people dont even consider a child older than infancy. I can see why you want a child at infancy. I COMPLETELY understand. But I feel for these other children who didn't find a home, and now are property of the country or state they reside in and are either raised in an orphanage watching the children around them get adopted, or they are bounced around from foster family to foster family. They go to homes and make bonds and still feel that its just fostering. Maybe they aren't good enough to become a forever part of the family? Maybe its too expensive? Maybe they are too troubled? I dont know. Some people foster instead of adopting because they get paid a monthly amount and they want the check.

(Please dont think I'm against foster parenting. I would love to be a foster parent. My only fear is that I will want to adopt all of them and will have 15 kids before I'm 30, and then what help am I?)

I want to help people see the joy changing the life of these children can bring. I want to show them that you can love them as you would love your own. I want to help people who already know this find the child that was meant for them. I want these kids who didn't get adopted as babies to find their homes. I want to help!

Children Awaiting Parents
Wednesday's Child
It's About Love
Adopt us!

I just love them all.

So now my question is....

Nursing or Social Work?


Carrie Lynn said...


...except maybe you shouldn't work with children... well, the foster care system would be a good place for you. But please don't go into child protection :)

Jessica said...

You've got to be tough to handle social work. Even if you don't work with CPS....you're still going to to see stuff you could never even imagine in your worst nightmares. On the flipside, Social Work is probably THE most rewarding thing you can do. Its one of the most "Christ like" careers out there....if you let it be. Good luck in your decision!

Gunilla said...

I agree with Jessica. You would need to be tough to do social work. Fostering children is very rewarding and very hard. Every situation is so different and not always, well hardly ever, is black and white. Not all children in the foster care system are adoptable because of custody issues or other issue. We have had three, all of which have not been adoptable...we couldn't have adopted them even if we had wanted to. Also, a lot of kids want to be home, even with the abuse...
You would be awesome at either one. You are so compassionate, which would make you incredible at whatever you decide. Good luck!

Ash said...

Okay this is super tough! I could see you as either and either have everything to do with the precious innocent children that are sent to us for protection and guidance. Here's where i see the difference...Nursing (ob specifically) is more of a help for the parents. The nurse is there to help them feel comfortable and safe and at ease. Yes they are there to bring the babies safely into the world but that is where their connection with them stops. once they are here and safe your job is over. you send them home...to whatever home awaits them. Social work is opposite. You are there specifically for those children. Your job is to assure THEIR comfort and safety. You fight for THEM and until they are safe your job is not done. You fight for their rights to be in a loving home and environment, one that heavenly father would feel comfortable to have them in.
So with the recent events of your life you have been in both situations...which has impacted you more? Which has stirred your heart to change more? both are amazing causes and you would be amazing at either!!! Good luck!!!

Kaylee Hartley said...

Amber, you are such a wonderful person! I was really touched by your efforts to get that baby into a better home. I wish the world had a lot more Ambers in it! Whatever career you choose, you will be AWESOME at it and will make the world a better place. (That sounded kind of cheesy, but it's true!) Good luck with the decision!

Anna Alyse said...

It sounds like to me that you are more passionate and driven about the social work. You are grateful for the nurses.

Anonymous said...

Amber-just a fellow blogger and I enjoy your blog. I just wanted to comment, I got my bachelors in sociology, and I had my heart set on helping kids, just like you. However, it is an incredibly hard field emotionally, and surprisingly, you rarely get face to face interaction, or follow-up news, or any sort of 'happy' news. You are overbooked, and are not able to give each 'client' the time and love they really, truly deserve. And honestly, without a master's degree, there is not a whole lot you can personally do as a job, other than the incredibly depressing background work (for example, I'm a counselor at a residential home for kids right now, and all I do is clean, file, and witness horrible behavior due to traumatic experiences in these kids lives, they do not redirect well, no matter how patient and loving you try to be) Also, the case managers and social workers I have contact with often work for corrupt businesses, or (as I said before) are so stretched for time, they rarely are even able to check in on the children as they are legally obligated to, and unfortunately that leads to a lot of neglected children that have no one to witness the abuse or help them. I know that you probably wouldn't end up in the exact position I am in, but I just wanted to share my two cents and try to help you with your decision. I regret going in to this field and often wish I would have picked teaching or nursing (I love children like you do, and wanted to help also).
Hope this wasn't too weird to have a stranger comment! :)