Friday, March 4, 2011

Rollercoaster night.

This morning I woke up an emotional wreck. I went to bed fine, but I woke up in tears. My dream was heavy but interesting. Makes me want to re-re start my dream blog. I'll add this to that one too.

I was riding in a truck with Kristen, Jonni, and my sister. We were driving to meet my family somewhere. I was poking at my stomach and realized that it was really firm. Kristen though maybe I was pregnant. I told her I am not pregnant, I would know if I was, but then my belly started moving and it felt like a baby kicking. Kristen saw a footprint and goes, "You are totally pregnant!" Then I felt a pain in my side and I looked down and there was a tiny newborn leg coming out of my side. I realized I was pregnant and my baby was falling out of my stomach. I carefully pulled the baby out of my stomach. He was a little boy.
His face was not fully formed, because he was a preemie. I looked at him and was so happy, and I held him close to me. When I pulled him away his face was perfect and he looked beautiful. I was so in love. I just hugged him close to me and couldn't believe I had a baby boy. We went to meet my family at this big house and everyone was really happy about the baby. I wouldn't let anyone else hold him, I didn't want to put him down for a single minute. Then they called a Doctor and I had to let her check him. I left the room for a second and was gone for a while. I suddenly panicked that it was taking too long and ran into the room where my baby was. The baby was laying on the bed and the Dr was playing with him. I told her that was my job and I picked him up and decided never to let him go.
A minute later I was holding him and my mom and I were walking around to go to the store. My mom said "We should throw you a party for having a baby!" I started crying and said, "We can't do that, Mom. And I don't think I can do this again. I can't say goodbye again." She said "Why? Whats wrong, he's fine!" and I go. "Because this isn't real. This is a dream." My mom goes "Really?" I said "Yes. I would have known if I was pregnant. This is a dream. And I dont think I can say goodbye to him. I dont want to wake up." I cried in my dream and woke up then, still crying.


It made me emotional and I told Lucas about it, he said "Wow you had a hard night!" and Explained what happened earlier (This is funny, though) Apparently my night was just full of ups and downs. Lucas filled me in on the events of our evening....

I went to bed last night kinda early, and Lucas stayed up to finish working. When he came to bed I was already asleep, but turned at him coming in and said,
"I'm sorry, hun" (I always apologize when I'm half asleep for nothing)
Used to it, Lucas gets in bed and says nothing.
I roll over apologizing and put my arm over his chest and start squeezing his right arm muscle over and over and over. He said I did that for like 3 whole minutes, then I stopped and rolled over.
I started mumbling and said something like,
"I am just so frustrated! I take all the muscles apart and then I have to put them all together again, but I do it wrong! I have to make everyone's and its not working!"
Lucas goes "Oh it's okay just keep trying"
I say, "I can't do it. Nobody's arms work. I feel so guilty."
Lucas kidding around and messing with me says "You should!"

Apparently that was the wrong response... I immediately burst into tears. He said he thought I was kidding but he looked over and I was bawling and tears were pouring out of my eyes. Lucas tried waking me up and was saying things like,

"Amber don't cry, its okay! It's just a dream! It's okay"

Slowly I guess I started waking up and I just said,

"What's happening? I feel so sad!"

I've been exhausted all day. What a weird night!

1 comment:

Jontue said...

Wow! Thats quite the night of dreams! I love that when you write, i can totally picture you telling me the story. You're great.