Friday, April 20, 2012

Waiting and Columbine

Today is the 13th anniversary of the Columbine Shooting. I honestly cannot believe it has been that long. Thinking about that made me wonder about the parents of the kids who were killed that day.
I bet part of them is thinking "Has it really only been 13 years? It feels like I've been missing them forever. I cannot remember who I was before that day."
I bet it feels even longer for the parents of the boys who entered the High School that day planning the unspeakable. For their parents, I bet these last 13 years have been an eternity. And I truly hope that all those parents have had moments of immeasurable, incomprehensable happiness where they know their children are with them always.

As I thought of this, my mind has drifted to waiting.
Waiting to not feel lonely anymore.
Waiting to feel happiness without feeling guilt.
Waiting for a big moment that will change everything.
Waiting for things to be just right.
Waiting to adopt our children.
Waiting for good news.

So while I sat at work, instead of checking my email for the 25th time today, I googled "waiting" and I found a quote that, in an instant, made waiting easier. It also made me cry, of course. (such a baby)

“I’ve learned that waiting is the most difficult bit, and I want to get used to the feeling, knowing that you’re with me, even when you’re not by my side.”
Paulo Coelho, Eleven Minutes

This did not get me choked up for the reasons you expect.
I wasn't even thinking, necessarily, of my babies.
My life is an eternity of waiting to see them again.

When I read this quote my mind thought of my amazing husband. Of the wait for a baby who belongs in our family. I thought of the fact that every day we wait together. We laugh together and cry together and sometimes we share silence together. We wait for adoption, for our day to come, and he is with me.
We will also wait our whole lives for our family to be together, all our children in one place.
We're a team.

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