Monday, July 30, 2012


We had two second birthdays in the  past couple weeks! On the 19th was Moose's birthday!

Maybe its silly to care about a Dog's birthday, but we love him and love having a day to celebrate him! He got bacon and tons of attention, he got to hang his head out the window on a drive in the car for much longer than usual, and he got to go outside at the slightest of whine. Lucky pup!

More importantly, on the 22nd of July was our sweet Molly's SECOND Birthday!

I cannot believe that it was two years ago that I first saw her beautiful face and held her close to me.
In a weird way if feels like I met her many many years ago, like I was never NOT Molly's mom. In other ways, its shocking that it was two years ago, because at times the feelings are so fresh and on the surface that it's as if that day happened just yesterday.

To celebrate her birthday, Lucas and I bought her a single pink rose and surrounded it with a lot of "Baby's Breath" It looked so pretty, we were both obsessed with it. We went to the cemetery together.
I love that cemetery, it is SO peaceful and I love going to the place in the world that BELONGS to our babies. We set Molly's flowers in her vase and stood and missed her for a while, and took in how beautiful of a day it was. Then we sat on the grass above her, took a little notepad, and each of us wrote her a letter.

It was emotional and cathartic. We both loved it.
I wrote her all the things I would have told her if she were there in our arms.
I cried as I wrote, of course. It felt good to write TO her. Not for anybody else to ever read.
Lucas finished first and held his letter, then folded it up, and placed it in the Baby's Breath above her.
I asked if he wanted me to read it, and he said, "That's okay. Its just for Molly."
I loved that. He wrote a letter that was not for anybody but Molly, and so did I. A letter from her Dad and a letter from her mom.
I finished my letter and also folded it up and placed it next to the rose in her flowers.
It took a bit for my eyes to stop watering, we visited with Kellen, too, of course, while we were there.

We believe that their spirits can be all around us, so as we left the cemetery, though it felt silly, I didn't want to leave them. I whispered, "Come with us, kids."
Lucas heard me, and he said "Come on, kids!"

I think the four of us went home together.
It was a good day. We decided to write them letters every birthday, and one day their brothers and sisters will write to them too. Nobody else will read them, and over the years I bet we will all have our own personal relationships with both Molly and Kellen.

Happy Birthday, Molly!
We love you so much, we are so proud of you. You make us better parents, better people, better Christians, happier more loving spouses, and luckier than most.

LOVE and MISS you every single second!


Sharna said...

This is so beautiful Amber! You guys are such amazing parents! I love hearing about your beautiful little angels :)

erin d. said...

What a perfect way to celebrate her celestial life!