Jason, my older brother, turns 25 today. It's weird watching everyone get older. My younger sister, Emily, is DRIVING. That is even more strange than Jason being 25. I hope its a happy day for Jason!...
....it wont be for me.
I have to say "Goodbye" to Jamie tonight. We had our last dinner and movie night last night, and on the way home I just started crying, but forced myself to stop so I could enjoy my time with him instead of getting snot all over our last few moments. I'm getting really good and controlling my crying. I never used to be so emotional- I hope this goes away once my life becomes less traumatic.
I got up at 6 o'clock today because I wanted to be awake as long as I could today. I wont even see Jamie until the afternoon but i just didn't want to sleep through my last day with him. As soon as I start thinking about the drive to the aiport, or actually leaving- my eyes start watering and I have to snap out of it by thinking of something else completely. I am so so sad/heatbroken.
Its so weird, I have known this was coming, and known it had to come, but have been completely unprepared for how I would feel. I expected to feel sad/lonely/miserable. Instead I feel sad/lonely/miserable/guilty. The guilt of leaving him is worse pain than you can imagine. Its like I know its the right thing to do, but it doesn't make it any easier. I think i know its the right thing....
what am I doing?!
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