Kellen's service is tomorrow morning. I'm nervous about it because I want it to be perfect but I still have a hard time making decisions. We have decided to keep it just immediate family this time. I dont think either Lucas or I would be able to feel the spirit of the day because of the anxiety of a big service. So, it is going to be small and I hope it will be beautiful and memorable.
We are going to have a balloon release for Kellen, like we did for Molly. This time we will release a white balloon for Molly. She's just part of the family and that makes me happy. A friend of ours is doing Kellen's flowers, and the funeral home basically takes care of everything else. It's a pretty basic service, but I am nervous.
I think I'm mostly scared of having my sadness come out in front of everyone. Knowing a rush of emotions is coming is probably what is really making me nervous, more so than the words I will share with everyone there and with my son.
Today Lucas and I decided to spend some time alone. It was really nice. We laughed a lot and held hands the whole time. We went and got IHOP. It was delicious (though it made me sick--worth it). Then we went to the Mall to try and find a baby blue tie for Lucas to wear tomorrow and a baby blue shirt for me to wear.
We went to a store and because I know how much Lucas dislikes shopping, we split up to better "man shop". Lucas said he went up to the tie section, and because everyone is getting ready for Christmas, baby blue ties are long gone. He looked everywhere and said everything was in deep colors and he didn't want a deep blue tie. He wanted a matching baby blue paisley tie since his baby pink tie for Molly was paisley. He couldn't find it so he said a quick prayer asking for help. He then had a feeling to walk around a corner and go to a table. He looked around and it was all Christmas ties, then right there stuck between two completely different ties was the only baby blue paisley tie there. It was amazing! Blessing.
Meanwhile, I was downstairs and walked through the whole store and found the same problem. Baby blue is not in season, and there is nothing there. Finally against the back wall I see a baby blue shirt. I go grab it and it is a button up blouse in the perfect color in exactly my size. I tried it on and it was perfect. I know ties are expensive so I was worried about how much it would cost, and checked the price tag. $5.95. I think that might be the least expensive item in all of Park Meadows Mall. Blessing.
So we were able to find and afford everything we needed. We were helped with even the simplest of errand. It is wonderful the way things work out when the last thing we need is stress and there are prayers of wonderful people helping us to be blessed in even the small things.
That made me happy today.