Monday, November 7, 2011

No shame.

I used to think my least favorite time of day was the moment I realize my alarm is actually a warning telling me that my dream is over and its time to get out of bed. However, today I realized that my ACTUAL least favorite time of day is just as the light is changing outside. Not dusk...I like dusk. Not sunrise or sunset, but just after sunrise and maybe 20 minutes before dusk. The dreaded time is the always changing time of day when the light outside is about equal to the light inside.

This time of day is not so bad if you are anyone but me, but I cannot escape the fact that I am me.  See, I like to shower in the late afternoon just before my hard working husband gets home from work so I'm cuddle ready. I also LOVE windows and have not forgotten our first year of marriage when we lived in a dark dungeon basement. So, as soon as I can in the morning I pull the blinds open, which the dog appreciates maybe even more than me, and I leave them open as long as possible because I love natural light. Finally, I am very forgetful.

The problem with these three habits I have formed is that come late afternoon/early evening I get ready to hop in the shower. I get down to my birthday suit and 6 out of ten times I remember something I need to get or do outside the bathroom.

Upon remembering what I need to do, I open the bathroom door (the joy of being alone all day) and walk into the hallway. Then I notice it. Looking out the huge window, I  panic because  I can't tell if it is darker outside than inside. My blinds are wide open, and I am standing in the middle of my apartment possibly flashing all my neighbors....again. I'm a flasher! They've seen too much! They've seen it all!!!!  So I awkwardly and instantly drop to the floor and crawl to either close the blinds, or to get what I need and crawl back to the bathroom depending on which is closer.

If it is the blinds- I have to hope that when I stand up to get the string that nobody is looking and that maybe, JUST MAYBE, my apartment is darker inside than I think it is. I would not doubt that at least 80 percent of my neighbors have seen a little too much of me and laughed as they see me fall to the floor in horror.

This should not be a recurring problem, but it is. I have had the pride crushing and horribly awkward naked-drop-and-crawl through my apartment every few days for like a year. You would think I would learn.

The point of all this is that I hate not knowing if I am a flasher or not. I hate wondering...who saw my goodies? If it were more obvious that it was darker inside than out or vise versa...I would know to whom I either do or do not owe apologies to. If you are my unlucky.......or maybe lucky....victims, know that I am sorry and I think it is your job to close YOUR blinds and stay inside from noon on.


I was going to actually UPDATE my blog and let you all know what's going on in my life, but this happened again today and I realized that I have a problem and came to blog-it-out. Like therapy. But I'm still in just my skin. I will now crawl back to the bathroom to shower, and then I will blog again about the happenings of my life.


brandilyn said...

growing up i lived in the country and we didn't have blinds on the windows because we didn't need them. and i would always walk around my room in my nekkid pants without a care in the world. now, we live on main street and i'll always get out of the shower and wander into the living room like, "oh hey babe, what's up?" and dav freaks out because the blinds are down, which never even occurs to me. so i'm sure you're not the only rexburg flasher.

Brett said...

One simple word: towel.

Katie said...

This post is awesome.

I have two comments:

A.) My husband does this ALL the time and it freaks me out! He assumes no one is looking in our windows ever and he's totally fine.

B.) I have neighbors across the street from my house that I can see during the day...


MaShay & Jason said...

Amber. You aren't alone. Jason get's frustrated with me because I will just stand naked in the bathroom and with the blinds cracked barely cracked open...for some reason I think people can't see in. Although I look in when I walk past the window. Weird. I have gotten much better because we are on ground level and my neighbors are teenage boys and younger. So I guess it's my duty to them. :)

erin d. said...

You don't know me. But I read Molly's story as it was happening. I prayed for you and Lucas. I can't imagine your sorrows. But know that you are not forgotten, and at one point you DID feel this:

"However, I feel hope. I am not panicked anymore because I have a new found peace that no matter what happens we will be fine. The baby may get the chance to be raised when Molly is, or he will get the chance to be raised here and now with us. No matter what, we will find happiness and feel joy."

Know that we are praying for your family. If you are interested you could look into the organization "Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep". Again, if you are interested.

We will add your names to the prayer roll when we trek to Twin Falls this weekend.

Love from Boise

Erin Darrington