Utah trip 2

A couple months ago I wrote a letter to the manager of Jason Mraz and asked if I could have a ride to Utah with the band since I knew they would be going to Salt Lake right after the Denver show. I wrote it in a half joking, half serious way. I think it went something like this :
"Dear Jason Mraz/tour manager,
I recently bought a ticket to your Utah show, and your Denver show. I live in Denver and unfortunately I do not have a car, nor do I have a ride to Utah. I am writing this letter to ask if I can have a ride with you. I would be more than willing to pitch in for gas, and since I know that Jason doesn't eat any cooked foods i would love to bring some raw candy. Please get back to me at...

Thanks for your time and serious consideration,
Amber

Ps. I'm not ugly"

So even though I never really expected a response, I still waited for something to show up in the mail telling me "no" but nothing came. Luckily I really did have concert tickets haha.

Kristen and I got up and ready pretty early the day of the show and went downtown to wait in line. We got there and were maybe 15th or so in line. We hung out and played cards and stuff with the people around us. Alice 105.9 was there making "I'm Yours" videos or shout outs of people at the concert, so I recorded a video for Jamie which they posted online at alice1059.com. Mine is called "Hi Jamie"

Once they opened the gates to the concert people jumped to the front of the line so Kristen and I lost our front spot, but we made friends who when they saw us pulled us up to the front row. They were really nice, they were the lead singer and manager of a band called Two Days Drive, they gave us a CD of theirs while we waited. I haven't listened to it yet though.

Once in the show I was eating Jason up. He is so delicious, you could say I'm obsessed and you would be right. haha. He is SO skinny though, which isn't the best for cuddling. unfortunately his WHOLE concert was like a promotion for Obama, apparantly most Mraz fans are obama supporters and so as loud as I BOOed I just couldn't be heard. haha

 I think he is dreamy. I decided to try and get him to know I still wanted that ride, so during one song I grabbed the back of my ticket and tried to write a note on it with make-up. It wasn't working and one of the guys from Two Days Drive's wife let me borrow her pen, i wrote a quick not on my print out ticket that said "Can I ride with you to Utah, have a ticket but no ride" and my phone number. I balled it up with the words showing on the outside and threw it onstage. Jason saw it fly at him and looked at it curiously but ignored it and kept singing his beautiful songs. His band appeared randomly out in the middle of the audience, which was really cool during one song.

After a few songs he went offstage for a break to let all us crazy fans scream our heads off begging for more. While he was gone a security guard came up and picked up my note and carried it away. He laughed while he read it, but i figured he threw it away. I kinda lost hope then at getting a chance to ride the bus.

Kristen and I knew a security guard there and we asked him if he could talk to the tour manager for us and get us backstage, and he did and he said there was nothing he could do. Kristen and I sang our way through the rest of the show and then at the end we sat around and watched people leave, wondering if maybe we would see someone from the band or something.

I decided if I wanted a ride I had to do something about it, so I went up to the security guard and asked him if he knew what happened to that note I wrote, he said it probably got thrown away. Oh well.

Then I saw the saxophone player from the band. (One of the guys who just appeared right in the middle of the audience) He was signing autographs and so when he came up to Kristen and I, I said "hey, I have tried everything in my power to get a ride with you to Utah, is there any way you could help me?" He looked shocked at me and said "YOU'RE the ride girl?!" he laughed and I laughed and I explained my situation and he laughed again and said "Meet me later, well see"

So Kristen and I thought he was going to laugh us off, and we waited for a while for him to come back and he took a while. We saw him about five minutes later talking with a group of people and we went over and asked again and he said to meet him out back, then he whispered to some of the other people in the band and they looked at us and all started smiling.

Kristen and I went out back where all the crazy dedicated fans were waiting to catch a glimpse and hopefully a signature from Jason or the band (I got toca's sig on a 10 dollar bill earlier while in line). We sat with them for a while and soon out came the sax player. He came down the line and saw us and asked us to come under the security rope to talk to him. As soon as we went under the rope I could feel the eyes of all the crazy fans burning holes in my rediculously cool sweater. he asked us for the story again, and then told us that he wanted to help me. He said that he would try and figure it out if we met the band at a the "Horseshoe bar" down around the corner in about 15 minutes. Kristen and I weren't sure if he was just getting rid of us or if he was serious but we decided to try anyway.

We made the really cold walk down to the bar, and luckily we found it and the sax player (Carlos) was actually there! We were surprised and getting excited. We went in and hung out where I had to explain that I was mormon and wouldn't be drinking, and then show them I was still fun by laughing and being not shy but also not being annoying like a drunk girl. haha. it was really a good time. Then Carlos pulled me aside and said

"Heres the deal, we can let you on the bus but there are a few rules. First, Jason is on my bus, if you see him you can't be crazy and yell and take pictures or touch him, just be chill. Second, you are with me, so nobody can ask questions. sound good?" I told him it was cool for me but what about Kristen?

(Now I was exploding with excitement and also really sad for Kristen)I told Kristen that she wouldn't be able to go, and I wouldn't go if she wanted. She was angry with me, but more just disappointed at getting so close and not getting to go. She told me she would go if it happened to her, and that I should go. So I went with Carlos past all the crazy fans, who looked at me like I had just personally insulted them, and onto the tour bus. I was really excited, but surprisingly calm and not freaking out or feelings even uncomfortable. Carlos was really easy to talk to.

We got on the bus and I went in the back into the back lounge where the drummer was rolling a joint. I explained to him why I dont smoke weed, and he said it was interesting to meet a mormon. Haha! Once i got to change clothes, it was time to go to bed. Carlos got me some shorts and a shirt, and then we got in bed. We layed there and talked to eachother for a long time. We got along really really well. He was super nice to let me get on the bus, and even though he had to share his bunk with me, he was still willing. No nothing happened, I'm not one of THOSE tour bus girls! haha

Well in the morning I woke up and hung out with Carlos some more until my sister came and picked me up, then we went to the concert that night. I got a text from Carlos that said "I want to see you again" and I was surprised. I was thrilled about my little tour bus adventure, and getting to meet Carlos. Everyone keeps asking me if I met Jason, and No I didn't. But I still had an awesome time. :) :)





Carlos is the one laughing next to Jason.





This is a better picture of Carlos, with his cousin. What a nice guy!






A picture of me on the screen behind the band. That was a fun thing to do during the show.

Utah trip 1

Well since I last posted so many amazing things have happened~ first things first,

I got to meet both Jason's girlfriend, MaShay, and Steven's girlfriend, Ceci recently. MaShay is a lot like Jason, she is sassy and witty and has a strong personality. Ceci is quiet and really sophisticated, but they are both adorable and really great. I was excited to meet both girls. I knew MaShay would fit it, because one day after she left I got out of the shower and the steam on the mirror left proof that she tagged our mirror with her name written very largely across it. Hilarious.

Not long after Steven brought Ceci here, he got a ring for her and PROPOSED!!!! YAY! Finally a Hermann is getting married! Well, he actually custom ordered fortune cookies that said like "The man you are with will be your eternal companion" and things like that. She thought the cookies were just a coincidence when she looked up at him and he had the ring out. How funny! So she said YES, they set the date for January 31st in the Portland temple. (I have always wanted to go to Oregon, so I'm WAY excited about this)



Well speaking of weddings, a couple weeks ago one of my best friends, Kylie, who I met and hung out with constantly for about 6 months while I still lived in Hawaii, got MARRIED! Jamie and I were really excited to go see her tie the knot so we could see eachother (missing him has been really hard) and see her get married. She is the girl who set Jamie and I up on our first (blind!) date. Her husband seemed really nice, and they seemed to really get along and make each other happy.

Jamie and I spent the rest of the week we had together tied to each other's hips. I stayed at his mom's house and hung out with his family. It was really fun. We went to a corn maze, and went 4 wheeling with his mom and his stepdad and my sister int he mountains. it was BEAUTIFUL to see all the fall leaves and hang out. I love fall, the changing leaves is something I missed last year while I was on Oahu. I'm glad I got to see it this year. When Jamie and I had to say goodbye it was really hard, we were both really sad and could hardly talk. When time came for him to board his plane we were both in tears, who knows when we will see each other again?

Since he left we have talked on the phone almost every single night for an hour or two. Its really good to talk to him, but the distance is really hard on both of us. It's hard to have a real relationship with a phone. :( I miss hawaii, Jamie, and Kelsey so much it's hard to really function. (ask my friends, I'm like lost in my own world of denial that I ever left)

I am nervous to call and talk to Kelsey on the phone because when I left the Kominek house things were really weird. I hope that when I call everything will be okay, I miss them. Not seeing Kelsey is unbearable, Sarah had a voice mail of her on her phone and i almost started bawling when I heard it.

Getting Mouthy

Well, my good luck with getting my wisdom tooth out is GONE. After two easy days of being relatively pain free, something happened. My Uncle/dentist said that my blood clot came out or didn't form. So basically, I have a whole in my mouth and its exposing my open jaw and it HURTS. Its a "dry socket". I guess he said its really common with smokers or people who drink a lot of soda through a straw, and I am neither. Oh well.

During my "pain free" period I got to see a lot of old friends. Lesley came over to my house and hung out with me and Kristen and Jonni. We sat on my awesome twin bed in my parents house and talked. It's weird to be home, but its so comfortable I can't complain. We all talked and laughed. The next day Lesley invited us to go bowling with the singles ward. I thought that would be fun, and maybe we could meet some people to be friends with. I also wanted to meet the boy Les is interested in right now, Scott.

So Kristen and I drove to the bowling Alley and met Jonni and Lesley there. Kristen ended up bowling with her brothers and her sister-in-law and I stayed with the ward. It was a really good time. While we were waiting in line I kept watching this guy who looked really familiar. I thought he was pretty cute but I couldn't remember how I knew him. He kept giving me a similar look. Finally I asked him if he was from the Crowfoot Ward and he said yes. He told me "I think you tried to make me feel awkward like two years ago" HAHA! "sounds like me.." He goes "Yeah bowling, and playing volleyball, and at the church" haha HOW FUNNY! I guess I need to pay more attention. He is pretty cute so I can see why I would have chose him to tease a couple years ago. He said I looked different, and after a few minutes of talking he told me that he only came bowling to find a date for his friend, Robbie. He asked if I would go on a double with them and go as Robbie's date. I said sure, and then he left. His name is Nate. So that was a nice start, but I still feel weird going on dates with boys who aren't Jamie.



While bowling I made a bet with another kid, Jason, that whoever won would owe the other person Ice cream. Another kid, Jared, got in on it too. I won, I rock at bowling. I love it! So now I have an ice cream date for tomorrow with Jason, and another date with Jared later in the week to have a picnic. I dont know that I have any interest in any of these boys, because I'm not used to feeling single. I guess I felt interested in Christian, but that had built up for months. For now I can't get Jamie off my mind.

Saturday Morning my family got in the car early and drove to Wyoming to see my cousin get married. I hadn't seen him in YEARS and he looked totally different. I met his fiance and it was her wedding day/19th birthday! That makes it easy for Levi (my cousin!) Married at 19..that seems so young, but its worked before I'm sure it will work again. She is also due to have a baby in 5 months, and they both looked so happy.


(My brother, sister, and me in the car for the road trip)

When she was walking down the isle (this was my first non-mormon wedding, it was really fun) I watched my cousin where he was standing. His eyes were watering and he looked so happy. He just stared at her face and looked like everything in his life were perfect. It was so cute I coudlnt stop smiling, and if I knew my cousin better I probably would have been crying. Wedding are cute. It made me miss Jamie though. I think the wall I put up to keep my emotions about leaving Hawaii is getting some holes in it.

We stayed the night Saturday night at my great Uncle Earl's Ranch. He lives in the middle of NOWHERE in Wyoming. You can stand outside there house and look all around and as far as you can see its just weeds trees cows and hay. Its really peaceful. I couldn't sleep because of my tooth hurting so bad, and got up at 4 am. I talked to my Aunt Sue in the kitchen while she had coffee. We talked about Racism because I'm reading the book "Invisible Man" which is hard to read because of the violence. Racism is something that isn't a part of me, I can't imagine hating someone for something that matters so little- if at all.

Earl got up to talk to us and walked me out into the field to watch the sunrise coming up over the hill. It was beautiful. Bright orange sreaks cross the sky, and the lack of city or buildings or people. It was unreal. Earl said "Thats how you know there's a God" and I nodded. He told my dad later he gave me a spiritual lesson. I love old people.

Well Jamie called me on the drive home, which was a nice thing to think about aside from the tooth pain. I had upped my prescription amount to two vicadin pills instead of one because one didn't do anything. Jamie called and we talked. I love him. He told me he loved me and that he is doing everything he can to show me that he wants the church in his life. He told me he had a talk with his brother that was amazing. He told me that he is trying to become who he wants to be, while I am here trying to become who I want to be....so that we can be happy together. I told him I didn't know if we would end up together, or if maybe we were a necessary step to make us both really know what we want in life. But I am happy for him. I cried for a while when we got off the phone. I miss him, but I'm glad he's trying.

I went to the dentist this morning and he filled my tooth with nasty brown "Dry Socket Gel" that tastes gross but it took my pain away. I couldn't be happier. :)

like pulling teeth

My friend, Christian, dropped me off at the aiport on Monday night. We went and ate at Wahoo's fish taco just before and got in a fake public fight that made the people around us very uncomfortable. It was really fun, then for my last hour on the beautiful island of Oahu we decided to go sit on the beach.

We sat there and talked and played and watched a cargo ship sail away. He told me to put sand in my pocket, and I did, and its weird how happy it made me to feel it in my pocket. Like I found a loophole to leaving and I CAN take the beach with me! I WISH!

After having fun and talking and saying goodbye to the island we went to the airport. I had tons of stuff and had to pay 140 to check my extra luggage, even AFTER christian repacked my bag to make everything fit the weight limits. He stood and watched me until I made it through security and we waved "goodbye for now" to eachother.

I knew flying away was going to be so hard for me. Everything inside me told me to get my stuff and run off the plane and back to the place that I love. I wanted to yell out something crazy and get kicked off the plane for bad behavior. But instead I sat there smiling away so that maybe if I acted happy to be going on a trip maybe I wouldn't lose my cool and cry all over the shoulder of the poor guy I was sitting next to. He was already popping anxiety pills the whole time, he didn't need a blubbering baby next to him right? I watched the movie "What happens in Vegas" and once it ended I slept the whole flight. When the plane landed I went and found my connecting flight and curled up on two seats hugging my carry on luggage and slept for the three and a half hour layover. I woke up just in time to be the last one on my plane, and I sat down for the last half of my trip.

I decided to text Christian to thank him for his help. And to email Jamie and tell him I miss him and I am thinking about him, but I coudln't find my phone. Everyone was sitting down and the flight attendants were closing all the open overhead storage compartments, and I was panicking. I asked the lady next to me if she would let me out so I could search for my phone. I got up and ran to the front of the plane where I was told to go sit down.

"I lost my phone, I think I left it out there in the gate seating area."
I looked and saw the plane door was closed and the Captain was waiting on us. The lady looked annoyed but she also looked like she felt bad, and asked me what kind of phone it was.
"A red blackberry" to which the captain said "haha! that makes no sense! a RED BLACKberry?" he laughed and opened his window and yelled out to whoever was standing in the little laundry tube thing, and said "Did you see a phone out there, in the seating?" they asked me where I was sitting and the captain yelled to the people in the airport directions and i went back to my seat, feeling like I lost my phone forever. Then the captain walks up to my seat with my phone, and the lady next to me was more shocked than me. "That was LUCKY" ...i know.

Shortly after take off i let myself fall asleep. When I woke up we were thirty minutes from landing, and I started talking to the old guy next to me on the other side. He told me he was on his way to his Fathers funeral, at age 90. I asked him what his family name was so I could pray for him and he said "Goodmanson" I told him that his last name was so happy it made me happy. and he said "My parents named me Goody" Goody Goodmanson. What an incredible name! He was so cute. When I was walking to baggage claim I yelled goodbye to my friend Mr. Goodmanson, and went to my bags.

I only waited five minutes and all 4 of my bags were right there, I grabbed them and waited for my Dad and Mom to show up to come pick me up.

It was So good to see my dad. As soon as I saw him, the wall I put up to keep myself from breaking down with sadness about Jamie, Kelsey, Hawaii, and now Christian got weaker, and I instantly hugged him and started crying. He made me smile by telling me a joke and patting my head. We walked to the car where my adorable mom came out and hugged me, looking SO happy to have me back. It felt good to be with them. I cried again every half hour or so, but never very hard. Just enough for my Dad to get sad too and make me laugh so we would both be happy.

I went home to my adorable Acres Green home. I love it here. My dog, Hurley, who I bought in college as a puppy and then gave to my family when I was moving around...is HUGE! She's a gorgeous and friendly and adorable dog. I love her so much its not even healthy. I saw my younger brother, Eli, and gave him a hug. He is about a foot or so taller than I remembered and very cool still. Then I saw Emily, who is a full blown teenager. SO much attitude haha but she sure has gotten pretty.

One of my best friends, Jonni, came over to see me. It was great to see her and she looked great! We hung out at my house and I played with Eli and talked to Jonni and watched some TV which is weird because i am not a huge TV watcher. Then Jonni and I went to her new house which I have never seen. It suits her family, I liked it. Then Kristen thorne, another of my best friends, joined us and we all hung out and laughed and had fun for the night.


Its good to see everyone, and its good to not feel like a guest in someones house all the time. Or like I am always under the watchful eye of my employer. Its very comfortable. But I really miss Kelsey, and Jamie. Its almost unbearable.

I have to go unpack.


ALSO- My wisdom tooth has been bugging me for like a month, and I had a dentist appointment with my uncle who has been my dentist forever. I got my tooth pulled this morning and my mouth is so numb right now. I love it. Everyone always complains about the pain, but I don't feel anything, and didn't feel anything while he took it out. So far so good, right?

I need a blizzard in paradise

I will only live in Hawaii for 8 more hours. It has been 18 unbelievable and amazing months of living in paradise. I came here to work as a nanny. I moved to a life where I knew nobody, didn't know the hawaiian way of life, had zero friends, didn't even know the people with whom I would be living. I was terrified to move here to a world of unknowns. I have always liked change, and the idea of a fresh start was equally as exciting as it was terrifying.

Luckily when I got here it took only a short while and I had made a few close friends, and got into what turned into a long term relationship with Jamie. I LOVED my job, since I was watching the smartest, and most adorable little girl ever to live on the Earth. I promise, you wont believe me until you meet her and before you know it you are wrapped around her pudgy little finger. I'm going to miss holding her little hands so much, she was my best bud here all day everyday. It felt amazing to be excited for work after a long weekend away from that little girl.

Saying Goodbye to Kelsey was rushed, and really really difficult for me. I had mentally prepared myself to keep a wall up so I wouldn't lose my control in front of her and freak her out. I went over to her house (I moved into Jamie's apartment for a few days since he's on a surf trip) and she was getting ready to eat lunch. She talked to me and her Grandma for a while, then they ate lunch. I asked if I could have some time to take Kelsey in the front yard and play with her for a minute and say Goodbye to her. Bill said Yes, and I appreciated it. She got down from her chair and grabbed my hand and we went out to her swing in the front tree. I pushed her in the swing and told her how much I loved her and would miss her.

"where you going?"
"back to Colorado, to see my family. I'll miss you so much"
"I go swimming and then I go with you?"
"I wish you could, but you get to stay here and play with Mommy and Daddy and Grandma and Grandpa"
"I want to go with you"

I want you too. How can I love a little girl so much, who isn't even mine? She was 10 months old when I started and is now 2 and a half. She became my oxygen here. I had a LOT of hard times in Hawaii, but she made it all worth it. If I was sad I could always count on her pressing her face on mine and telling me to not cry and not be sad.

I'll need her next to me on the plane as I fly away from the life I love here. I'll have to pretend to feel her hands on my face and her nose on mine as she calms me down. She can be so truly comforting sometimes I wonder who helped who more. I kept her fed, and safe, and taught her colors and games, and she gave me so so much more than that. I'll miss you my little friend. :(

Jamie already flew away, but I'm sitting her on his couch bawling my eyes out. How can one person feel so lonely? My friend Christian has been spending a lot of time with me, and it has helped keep me happy. He makes me laugh, and I really enjoy his company. Too bad whenever I'm alone this past week I can't keep myself from crying. I need some snow to keep the plane from flying away.

Right before Jamie left he ran to where I was crying in the car and held up his hands in the "I LOVE YOU" sign. I love you too, so much. I'll miss you everyday.



"I love you, Kelsey."
"thanks you. I love you. I LOVE YOU. You're my nanny, you hold me always"

I'm so sad.

Goodbye, Love

Single. I have been single in a long time, and while I know that the decision I made was the right one...NOT being Jamie's girlfriend feels weird to me. Like someone gave me a scratchy "single" sweater and I can't get it to fit.

Jamie and I spent our last day together helping him get ready for his trip, and cuddling/crying. We both had our emotions under control most of the day, with only a few random bursts into tears. Once one of us gave in the other would too, until we decided to start doing something else to regain composure. It was so weird, do be able to watch the clock steal away the last minutes of a relationship. I hated that I couldn't stop the clock. Funny how doing the right thing can be so hard. Actually, its not funny at all! It is absolutely un-funny and very unfair. At least we both know that we had a good thing, and that when it ended it was because it was right. The only break up I have had that has ended with both of us having complete love and respect for eachother, and parting because we DO want the best thing for eachother- even if it that means a life not as a couple.

Once we made it to the airport and he got his surfboard checked in and paid for he came out to the car to say goodbye. We hugged and I instantly burst into tears. I know its not the last time I'll see him, but I know its the last time I will see him as my boyfriend. He was really calm and collected, and his eyes watered up. I think he wanted to be strong for me, because if he lost it- then I had no hope of surviving my drive away from the airport and into the unknown and lonely world of single city.

I am hanging out with a friend tonight, he's a boy. Its going to be strange to hang out with someone who isn't Jamie all alone. He is very aware of what is going on with me though, so I'm pretty sure I'll be fine.


Oh, a year and a half isn't that long, but its long enough for me to feel strange in my new scratchy clothes.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JASON!

Jason, my older brother, turns 25 today. It's weird watching everyone get older. My younger sister, Emily, is DRIVING. That is even more strange than Jason being 25. I hope its a happy day for Jason!...
....it wont be for me.

I have to say "Goodbye" to Jamie tonight. We had our last dinner and movie night last night, and on the way home I just started crying, but forced myself to stop so I could enjoy my time with him instead of getting snot all over our last few moments. I'm getting really good and controlling my crying. I never used to be so emotional- I hope this goes away once my life becomes less traumatic.

I got up at 6 o'clock today because I wanted to be awake as long as I could today. I wont even see Jamie until the afternoon but i just didn't want to sleep through my last day with him. As soon as I start thinking about the drive to the aiport, or actually leaving- my eyes start watering and I have to snap out of it by thinking of something else completely. I am so so sad/heatbroken.

Its so weird, I have known this was coming, and known it had to come, but have been completely unprepared for how I would feel. I expected to feel sad/lonely/miserable. Instead I feel sad/lonely/miserable/guilty. The guilt of leaving him is worse pain than you can imagine. Its like I know its the right thing to do, but it doesn't make it any easier. I think i know its the right thing....



what am I doing?!

Changes

Sarah and I had a great final two days of vacation. Sunday we went to Pearl Harbor, it was about to close so we weren't able to ride the boat out to the Arizona Memorial but we still walked aroudn the museum and read signs all about it. We were planning on hiking the "Stairway to Heaven" aka the Haiku Stairs, for the sunrise in the morning so we went hom early and went to bed.

While I was asleep Sarah finished reading one of my Favorite books "My Sister's Keeper" by Jodi Picoult. I highly recommend it- it will move you.

We got up at 2:00 a.m. and met some friends over in Kaneohe, then drove to the stairway. The stairway is a 4,000 step hike up the edge of the mountain. It is absolutely beautiful, and a major work out. I was overly energetic due to getting less sleep than I needed, but enough for energy, but everyone else was sleepy. After a while, we made it to the first landing, where the boys decided to take a nap. Sarah and I stayed with them on the landing for a while, then decided to hike the other 2/3 of the hike ourselves to make it to the top. We were so happy when we finally finished the hike! We were also WAY tired, and our legs were shaking out of control the whole way down. Once at the bottom we met up with the sleeping boys, and then they took us to breakfast to make up for letting us hike the rest alone.

We spend the rest of the afternoon and early evening on the north shore, eating an acai bowl, and then laying and playing at Waimea Bay. It was really really fun. I was really sad to have to take her back to the airport, but luckily this time I will be seeing her again sooner than later! I haven't laughed so hard in a long time, its so fun to be completely understood by someone. Miss you, Sarah!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My new music obsession is James Morrison. He was a featured guest on Jason Mraz's album We Sing. We Dance. We steal things, in the song Details in the fabric (Which is where I got my blog title) He has an amazing voice that gives me chills when I listen to it.

Also big news: I am moving back to Colorado on September 9th! While I am excited to see everyone in Colroado and get back to my old life, I am also very very very sad to leave everyone I love here in hawaii.

Jamie and i have been together for a year and a half, and while we have broken up once or twice we can never manage to stay away from eachother for very long. We fell in love fairly quickly, and me moving is going to hurt worse than I can even explain. He leaves for a surfing trip in Nicaragua with his brother TOMORROW. so tonight and tomorrow are the only days I get go see him until we live thousands of miles apart.

I also have been getting limited time with Kelsey, the little girl I have been a nanny for in Hawaii. I adore her SO much. I'm completely depressed that I will move home and slowly she will forget me, nobody remember their two year old nanny. :( I'll have to stay in tough, even though things with her mom are REALLY weird right now. Its more important to me to know Kelsey as she grows up than to avoid awkwardness around her mom.

I have to go continue packing. Is this really happening?!

Sister Sister

I finished my mile swim last Saturday. When we got there I was really nervous so I was really quiet. Everyone kept asking me if I was "alright" because apparantly I'm not the most quiet person usually. haha. What?! Well we took some before and after pictures, that I will try and figure out how to post here. The men were first to swim, and they lined up at the beach and then when the buzzer went off they all swam into the water at once and took off. I was instantly intimidated and I hear the announcer say "We have some of the best swimmers in the world here today!" Oh, awesome- Let me at them! haha

Five minutes after the men start the women start, and the buzzer sounded and I went into the water/battlefield. the beginning was like hand to hand combat! I was accidentally kicking and hitting people and everyone else was doing the same to me. haha. I kept swimming and after about 5 minutes people got more and more spread out. I was near the back which was fine with me. Ten minutes later I lifted my head up and noticed as I was rounding the first floating marker that I can not do this. I was already aching and feeling like if I stayed in the water much longer I would have no energy to keep my head up. I was sure I would be one of the poor people to have to get pulled out of the water by a lifeguard. I decided to try and keep pace with a girl who was next to me for a while and say that if she quit I would quit. I looked up and coudln't even find the next marker in the distance. A mile is SO much farther than you would think it is!

I kept swimming and stayed with the same girl the whole way, and came in just before her at 44 minutes. Its not a fast mile, but I'm SO glad I finished! I got out to Kelsey and her family all cheering me on and that felt really good. I was too exhausted to talk though so everyone thought I was mad, still. lol

Just after the race I went to the airport to pick up my sister, Sarah! I was so excited to see her! We had been planning this vacation for about two months and it was finally here! I went home and changed clothes and then drove to the airport and got there just in time and picked her up. It was great to see her! We drove around and talked and had fun. We have hung out constantly for the last week. Here's what we did:

Saturday: layed on my bed and we both tried to sleep, ate vietnamese food, and went to bed early. (what a start!)

Sunday: Church, then we drove to the north shore with Jamie to show Sarah the Temple. We went in the visitor's center, which is BEAUTIFUL. I have been many times since I moved here but it was fun to show Sarah and Jamie, who hasn't been in a long time. We watched some of the old LDS commercials (one of them has one of our friends in it as a little girl) Then we took some pictures outside the temple. Afterwards we went and met a friend of mine, Christen and her new boyfriend for some dinner. Then we went back and hung out and read books and went to bed early

Monday: Waiamea Bay on the North shore. It was INCREDIBLE to swim there. Sarah and I were swimming with goggles on and somehow ended up in the middle of a HUGE school of fish and we were in the middle of the clear blue water with what had to have been thousands of fish circling us. It looked like a wall around us that was wiggling. it was beautiful! We also walked on another really private but quiet beach on a bay I had never stopped on and took some pictures. Afterwards we hung out with Jamie at his house and ate ice cream bars. mmm

Tuesday: Sarah and I got ready to go to the beach, but on our way decided we would rather hike. We did the Moanawilli Falls Trail that leads to a beautiful waterfall. (its the spot where Jason Mraz filmed his "I'm Yours" video) and we swam in the water, and climbed the side of the waterfall to another beautiful waterall. Then we jumped off the rock into the probably-bacteria-filled water. haha. It felt really good though, and its so pretty you feel like you are on a man-made set of a jungle movie. I climbed up the 40 foot rock and tried to get the courage to jump into the water. I was so scared I sat there for half an hour while about 20 people came up the trail and ended up waiting for me to jump. I was really nervous and had no idea how many people were down there. Finally I asked my sister to cound down from ten, and everyone joined in- which was good because if i didn't jump i would look like such a fool- so i jumped when they said ONE. It was SUCH a rush. I loved it. Sarah and I hiked down the mountain and had a good spiritual talk. For dinner I took Sarah to my favorite Sushi place "I love Sushi" in Honolulu. It was AMAZING-as usual! From there We walked around waikiki and I showed sarah all the weird entertainers and artists and where the prosititues and gays hang out.

Wednesday: Sarah and I wend to Kailua beach and read our books and swam in the water. The water was really murky which was weird but it was fun to try and catch the small waves. Sarah got REALLY sunburned, and when we went home we were lazy and played with Kelsey and hung out. That night we met up with some friends at the Mall and eating at Ruby Tuesdays for the most fun Dinner ever. After talking in the parking lot forever and not knowing what to do we ended up sitting on the beach and talking until Midnight.

Thursday: Sarah was really fried so we didn't want to go outside and make it worse. It was my last day to watch Kelsey, so I decided to take her wherever she wanted. She wanted to go to the mall and play in the kid playcenter. It was fun to watch her and she already loved Sarah. We played glow golf and then took her home for a nap. Sarah was hurting bad so we didn't go outside at all, and we watched MEAN GIRLS and read books and went to bed early while sarah soaked in a half a bottle of Aloe Vera

Friday: We put Sarah in gallons of Aloe and sunscreen and covered her with a rash guard and hat and long shorts and decided to go Kayaking in the ocean. We borrowed a friends Kayak and paddled through a canal that lead to the ocean, where we saw lots of sea turtles swimming in the water. We played in the waves and sang really lame songs that we made up, all about turtles. We both started feeling the sun getting our skin so we decided to head back. We swam in my friends pool and at pizza with her and her boyfriend. We got Taco Bell and then went and walked aroudn Kailua and ate again at C.P.K. and changed and we were going to snorkel but had no gear and on the way to get some it started raining so we went and got a really dumb movie and fell asleep early.

Saturday: My employer set up my birthday present for today and had me signed up to go Parasailing. We asked Sarah to watch Kelsey so I could fly and Bill could take pictures. Jamie came to watch me take off and once I was strapped in and signed my life away i waited until I felt the kit picking me up and lifted my legs. The instructor flew us to the left, but wanted us to go right. I heard him say "Uh Oh- wind died" GREAT! We made a U turn over the beach and came down fast, i almost hit a long and he said "TRY AND STAND" I put my feet in the sand and "skiied" on the sand until we stopped and the kit flew over me into the rocks and knocked me on my knees. The instructor said "It wasn't supposed to work like that- its such a light day" So I looked up to Sarah and Jamie and Bill laughing their heads off at my "crash" and hiked up the cliff to try again. I got strapped in again and this time take off was great and I flew around for about half an hour to 45 mintues about the island. It was gorgeous. When I landed kelsey ran up to me and hugged me. I said thank you to Bill and then Sarah and I drove straight up to the North shore to go skydiving. We got signed up and waited about an hour and then we were on the plane. This was my 5th jump, my jump guy had great teeth and sarah and I joked with him the whole plane ride up. Sarah didn't seem to be nervous, I wasn't until the plan flattened out above the clouds and everyone in front of us started disappearing out the door. Sarah went out backwards before me and I heard a little scream as she shot out the door. I was next and went out backwards falling at like 100 m.p.h. flipping and spinning everywhere. It was AMAZING. that feeling never gets old. Once down Sarah and I were really giddy and happy, took some pictures and drove home. We met Jamie and his grandparents for dinner and a fancy club and had a good meal and dessert.

Sunday: Today. We are going to church, then to Pearl Harbor. I'll try and remember to update more often so my blogs aren't a whole book long.

ALOHA!

zoo keeping

Wednesday afternoon I was in the sports store trying on some swim suits to wear at the ocean swim, when I got a call from an unknown number. I answered it to a lady saying she found my profile on nannies4hire and that since I had my phone number posted she would call me and see if I could help her out. She lives 1/2 hour from where I live in Kailua, but only about 10 minutes from my boyfriend, Jamie, so I know the area. She said she has two little kids and she is moving on Wednesday the following week..and her nanny just stopped showing up to work the past few days and she needed help. She said her girls were 3 and 5 and that she would need my help for 6 days straight.

My boss is on maternity leave right now because she just had a baby, and I have been helping her for about 2-3 hours a day for the last week. Other than those hours I have not been working at all. I figured this is the best time for me and for my employers for me to take a week off and help this poor woman, right? Well I explain to the lady that as long as I can work the wednesday she leaves for the family I live with that I think I should be able to help her out. She goes "Oh thank you! I'm sorry I think I'll only be able to pay you $1000..." She may have said something else but I was stunned and didn't hear it. Did she say 1000 dollars? In a week? Sign me up!

I drove home to ask Wendi, my employer, if she would be okay for the next week and explained the situation to her. She said she would think about it. She asked my Boss, and after a few hours they came and talked to me. Turns out they were offended, and they practically told me that if I took the job that they wouldn't need my help anymore except on Wendesdays, and that they would only pay me 8 an hour on Wednesday. They will still let me live with them and use their car and eat their food until I leave and their new nanny shows up.

(I was already planning on moving- which my my decision, not theirs- so its not like I was fired, its just that now they were kinda getting the ball rolling on hiring a new nanny since I was going to need this week off to help the lady. I am also going to need the next week off because my SISTER IS COMING TO HAWAII! I can't wait to see her. But its a week away, and that week is going to creep by.

So Wednesday night i drive over to Hawaii Kai to meet the lady and her kids. I find their house and walk in, its REALLY fancy. I talk to the mom, who looks really young to me, and later she tells me she is 31, so only a year older than Jamie- no wonder she looks so young to me. Well we sat and talked and while we talked her daughters who are very cute little girls were giggling and running around showing off. They also managed to make a huge mess in about 2 minutes in whatever room we were in. I could tell I would be doing a lot of cleaning during the next six days.

Thursday. I show up to work at 8 o'clock and the girls are just waking up. They are both tired, and I start trying to talk to them. The mother doesn't tell me anything to do. She just goes and sits at her computer and works. I decided to try and get the girls to notice me and realize that I was in charge so I started trying to get them dressed and ready for the day. The three year old just starts screaming and pulling away from me and trying to run to her mom. Well I know its my job to keep t he girls happy and entertained but this girl was throwing a major fit! finally the mom comes in and aks the girl what she wants for breakfast, and she says " I WANT PIZZA!" so the mom laughs and reaches into the fridge and pulls out pizza. The girls eat pizza for breakfast. Instantlly I think "NO! DON'T GIVE THEM WHATEVER THEY WANT!" but I dont say anything, in case this is just a one time thing. The rest of the day just creeps by. Both girls are spoiled brats and throw fits, but will randomly be really cute and sweet. Probably how they charm their mom into continuing to spoil the living daylights out of them.

Friday. Theta, the oldest, wants to play with her friends all the time, and the younger girl wantes to tear up the house. Somehow I have to keep an eye on both of them, though Theta is outside and Kaia is inside. I have to keep trying to manipulate the younger into "wanting" to be outside but she just says "You're not my friend! You get out of my house!" and stuff like that. Theta's friend Haley comes over to play and while we are on our walk to get her Theta tells me "If you dont carry my shoes for me I am going to stab you. My aunt is going to come here and kill you with a knife" I am floored. How did this little girl learn to talk like this?! That is SO violent for a 6 year old! And to say to someone for something so small. I try and put her in timeout which leads to crying and more death threats and I basically just want to push her on the ground and get in my car and go home. This is going to be a LONG week. I NEVER hate kids, usually even bratty ones- but I feel little to no emotion or need to be liked by these children. I just have to get through the next five days and try to keep them safe and happy until I can get paid.

Saturday. SURPRISE! Theta is having a birthday party! I think this will be fun and maybe I will get some time off since there will be moms here and Theta's mom wont be working. NOPE. The mom comes and finds me hours before the party starts and says "I need your help. My cleaners cancelled on me and I have to go shopping. Will you clean my house?" Can I say no? I instantly snap into i-love-doing-work-that-you-should-do-youself-for-no-extra-pay mode and say "OH, yeah! Go shop, I'll clean up!" She says she'll take the youngest girl, and instantly I'm happier. The less time with that little devil the better. While she is gone i put a movie on for Theta and clean the house inside and out top to bottom. It looks really good considering I dont know where anything goes. It takes me two hours. Theta's movie ends and her guests start arriving and still mom is not home. I try and entertain her guests and their moms for a while and then Theta's mom shows up. Soon guests are coming in and out. All of these kids are very rich, and VERY spoiled. They are all used to getting whatever they want, which is obvious by the complete lack of sharing and temper tantrums every few minutes. I dont know how I got myself here, but I am thinking $1000 is just not enough. Too bad I already agreed to stay through next Tueday! Aah! Kill me. During the actual party I am running around like a mad woman trying to make sure the little kids are not drowning in the pool, and the older kids aren't painting on the house ( they were) and that I can clean a bit here and there. The dog keeps barking out of control at the kids in the pool and I have to keep telling her to be quiet. It doesn't take long and the neighbor yells out the window and curses saying we need to shut the dog up and we are idiots because dogs aren't hard to control. haha! What a nut! He was old and not wearing a shirt and he left his window open. If you dont want to hear the dog shut the window right? haha!

Well after about 6 hours of entertaining and scolding and dealing with a party of animals and their non-helpful parents its time to go inside and get ready for bed. Well I get the kids inside and in their PJ's and set them up with a movie, kids are running everywhere and like 1 kid is payng attention to the movie. I want to pull my hair out and the doorbell rings, dog starts barking like crazy and runs at the door. I open the door and there is a cop standing there. (GREAT! haha! Am I on camera? seriously!) He asks if he can talk to me and I stall him saying its not my house or my dog. All the little kids come around the corner to see why there is a cop here. (Who calls the cop on a 5 year old party?!?!f HAHA! Yeah---We're ragers! Better get out of town!) Anyway the cop says the crazy man callled the cops about the dog. haha.

I go calm the girls down who are crying that they are gonig to go to prison. Haha kids are funny when they being bratty. I finally get them calmed down and in bed and Thetas mom comes down and says "WHO WANTS A LATE NIGHT PIZZA!" the ruselt: Pandamonium. I dont know how you spell that but it was nuts. Kids love pizza. and I just had them in bed. I tell the mom that I had to leave since my shift was up, and got the heck out of there. I drove home stressed out of my mind just to get home and hear that my best friend made out with a really cute boy who I have a crush on (but wouldn't do anything about ever because I have a boyfriend who I love) and HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND TOO. Which disappoints me. I also find out that I missed the Jason Mraz concert! NO! I LOVE JASON MRAZ (details in the fabric is one of his songs). My boyfriend Jamie went and said it was like a pot smoking and drinking festival and that he went for only half an hour and left because of all the partying. He saw three Jason Mraz songs though, SO lucky! Then he tells me he drank a beer. Why?! I am not going into detail about why this upsets me like it does, but I have finally had enough of this terrible day. I start bawling and cry through the night, and am unusually rude to Jamie which I feel terrible about.

The next day I inch through the day and just do whatever I can to continue keeping the kids spoiled and rotten so that they dont scream at me. I get whoever asks me for something whatever they want, which is what the mom wants...and it makes them only threaten me a few times and way less temper tantrums. Can I have a knife? Sure, here you go, heres your knife three year old. I get through they day and go to Jamies house for some snuggling and de-stressing. I miss him. I felt bad for being mean and we cuddled it out. haha.

Now I'm off to work. just today and tomorrow and I'm out of this terrible place. I should ask for like 4000 instead since I did WAY more than watch two little girls for six days. Housekeeper, zookeeper. Sure, sign me up. I'm exhausted.

Just two more days, just two more days. oh boy.

When my sister gets here on Saturday I am going to get things worked out so we can go skydiving right away. I just might need to jump out of an airplane to get rid of the stress of the past week. Did I chose this career?

First blog!

My first official non-myspace blog! I used to blog when I was in highschool whenever something happened that caused me to think really hard about something, but I got out of the habit of writing when I let boys take up all my time/mental free time.

I figure that since I have been slacking on writing in my real journal, I only remember when something big happened and I forgot to write about it, and then remember weeks later when my life gets less exciting. Maybe since I'm an internet addict I will be able to keep up with blogging a little better. I'm not kidding about my internet addiction, I think i probably log into facebook in my sleep, my fingers just typing away on my sheets. hah!

I spent all morning in the water, which I can't complain about. Ever since moving to Hawaii I have been addicted to being in the water. Part of the reason is because, as cheesy at it might sound, the ocean "speaks" to me. I feel alive in the water, and could spend the whole day there. Even with my love for the water, I dont get to the beach as often as I would like. The other day Bill, my employer (I have worked as his nanny for the last year and a half), asked me if I would like to do an open ocean swim with him and a bunch of their extended family. It sounded fun, and he said it was a mile long. I agreed before thinking about how far a mile really is when you're swimming..HARD. He agreed to pay my registration fee, and to take me for training swims.

Yesterday we went to the ocean to practice swimming, but when we got there there were signs warning all the beach-goers of the Portugese Man-of-War (little blueish purple jellyfish). We stood around not sure of if we wanted to go in the water or not and the girl right in front of us starts cursing and shaking her hand around. She got stung on her finger and apparantly it was a four-letter-word type of pain. It freaked me out, but Bill walked into the water anyway. I decided to tough it out, figuring the chances were pretty slim that I would also get stung. I started simming but couldn't concentrate on anything, and kept thinking i saw the little creatures. I had to get out. On our way back to the car we saw a girl who was stung on her leg, and i felt better about not practicing here until the man-of-war were gone.

Instead we went to the Kailua swimming pool, which I had never been to. We got to swim some laps, and after about two laps my whole body ached, and my lungs were screaming because I couldn't find the perfect time to take breaths. Bill was creaming me, swimming slightly faster than I was. Just about 6 laps in and I was sure that I would be dead. Two weeks to train for a MILE in the ocean was not enough.

This morning I found out I had the day off, and got in my suit and headed over to the pool alone. I decided to see how motivated I could be without having Bill there making me feel so un-fit. I took a "5 hour energy" shot before I got there. I did so much better than I thought I would. I'm no professional, and my muscles are HATING me right now,b ut I swam just over a half a mile today. Yay! If I do this every day maybe I wont be sure to drown in two weeks at the real thing.
NERVOUS!

I'm going to buy a camera as soon as I can afford it so I can add pictures to this blog and also record my last month or so in paradise. I can already tell I'm going to be blogging non-stop haha. I've got to learn how everyone else is making their background fancy, I suppose I'll be able to figure it out if I try hard enough. I have so much energy!! 5 hour energy really works (but my fingers are shaking and that can't be good.) oh well, it helped with the swimming. :)