It's been a rough couple of days, yes, but days like that will come. The best thing is, they will also go.
Eventually, things will work out. They have to because there really is no option to give up. Days will come and find us and there is no stopping them. And why would we want to? Every day is another chance for me to appreciate the life I have been given.
Today I am trying to look around me and pay attention to all that I have. Seems a simple and cliche resolution, but it really does work.
I AM BLESSED.
I have wonderful friends, an amazing family, in-laws I adore, a husband who brightens every moment he is a part of, a dog who's teensy nub of a tail wags every time I even look at him, a warm home, a chance for a college education that many would give anything for. I have a very bored fish that the husband has conversations with, two children in heaven who can be with me wherever I am and who make me want to live life better, food to eat, a chance at adoption, a healthy body, and moments that make me laugh every day.
There are many people out there who are suffering far more than I can understand. People are sick, and hurting. People are hungry and homeless. Some people battle depression due to no fault of their own, others are lonely and have no one to turn to. There are children with no families, there are people who doubt their own identity and place in their own homes, there are those who are trapped in an addiction and struggling to make it through every day.
I need to focus my energy, instead of in selfish self-pity, on helping the people around me who quietly go through struggles I can't even begin to understand.
Today I am changing my mind set. I am going to appreciate Kellen and Molly for the part they play in our story. I will not wish to change our situation, because one day they will be resurrected and I will see them and know that enduring right now was completely worth it.
Last night Lucas and I were so discouraged that we went to bed at like 8:30. We both woke up and started our day with some exercise, a shower, and a positive attitude.
Moose is trying to climbhakd on. my face right now. (makes typing difficult)
And life is good. If I dont want to be sad I dont have to be. Or to use my brilliant husband's words of inspiration,
"Don't be and you won't be."
5 comments:
I don't want to seem preachy. And I hope you don't take it that way. This is a quote from President Monson that I absolutely love that your post made me think about:
"May I share with you a formula that in my judgment will help you and help me to journey well through mortality... First, fill your mind with truth; second, fill your life with service; and third, fill your heart with love."
-Thomas S. Monson
Glad you're making lemonade! It's okay to wallow sometimes, but I'm glad you're moving forward too!
Another showing of your many strengths :)
I know after losing Molly you also lost your gallbladder so I wanted to let you know along with praying for you and Lucas we are praying for your appendix; because no one needs to lose another organ after parting with a loved one let alone two.
We'll throw in Lucas and Moose's organs too, for good measure.
I wholeheartedly agree with your husband; after my mom died when I was 13 that's what I did and it really does work.
Your story amazes me. While so very sad, I get inspiration as you handle every phase, even the hardest ones.
~Julie from Boise~
You are awesome!
I loved it when you said that you and Lucas just went to bed because you were feeling so discouraged. I feel like a good night's sleep is a "reset" button. Somehow, life usually feels more hopeful in the morning.
Which reminds me of one of my favorite scriptures: "Weeping may endure the night, but joy comes in the morning" Psalms 30:5. I think the "night" is figurative here--it can be days or months or years, but eventually joy DOES come. It sounds like you are finding moments of joy all along the way, but I, along with hundreds of people around the country, truly cannot wait for the "morning" to come for you and Lucas--the moment when you hold your baby in your arms and know that you get to take him/her home and treasure him for a lifetime. I am praying for that moment to happen for you guys very soon! I am going to put your adoption button on my blog!! By the way, I am Brett Evans' friend, and we recently adopted a baby through LDSFS. I've commented on here and said this before, but I will say it again, PLEASE let me know if there is ANYTHING I can do to help you. rachel.nielson@hotmail.com
Love and prayers from Colorado!
Rachel
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