1st adoption appointment

We woke up early today and got ready for our adoption appointment!
Even though it was just an initial interview, it was really exciting because it was our first official step towards starting the process of adoption.

The plus side to going to the appointment:
- The case worker was really really kind.
- We meet the first qualifications, and he didn't see any reason why would wouldn't be able to qualify!!
- He thought we would get chosen fairly quickly. Though that was only his opinion it was still nice to hear it.
- We just have some paperwork to do and the starter fee to pay (still leaves me speechless the miracle of being able to pay this) and then we will be able to get our profile online for potential birth families to see.
-We already gave our doctor the paperwork to fill out about my medical history with pregnancy and fertility, so that should be filled out and mailed to LDSFS (the agency) really quickly.
-Lucas and I would be thrilled to adopt a special needs child. Because we desire this, the chance of placement increases. In order to support these wonderful babies finding homes, special needs children have a smaller placement fee, sometimes the entire fee is waived.
-We feel happy and hopeful. The caseworker made it all seem like something we can do, we just need patience.
-The caseworker told me that if someone contacts us privately, not through the adoption agency, and is interested in our family for a placement, he would still help us get everything we need done with no extra fee.
-The office had pictures of Christ holding small children all over the place. They all made me think of Kellen and Molly.

The downside to going to the appointment:
-It was fairly discouraging to hear the caseworker say "thousands of couples" in the database. How will we ever get found?!
-Now that we have started the process, it is all I can think about. I can hardly focus on anything at all. I already filled out our applications, and have gotten everything ready I can up to this point. I am dying to get everything our references need done too.
-Making adoption a reality, though exciting, is slightly discouraging simply because we can be looking many  years down the road until we ever hear one of our children cry.

 It's sometimes so hard to believe this is my life.
I can't believe how lucky I am to be married to Lucas.
I can't believe that Molly and Kellen, those beautiful babies, are ours! Their stories make me cry because we lived it, we held them.
We lost them.
We are now trying to adopt. We always knew we would adopt but we never imagined we would be adopting so soon.
Life is unpredictable. Usually other people go through these things, but this time it's US.
It's a bit hard to believe it.

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I feel a little more ready to start making Kellen's scrapbook. I know it will be hard, as was Molly's, but I think I will be able to handle it a little better than the last time I tried. 

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Today I laughed at Lucas. (surprised?)

He walked up to the dresser we keep our TV on and said

"A Wii would look so good up here."

But I heard

"We would look so good up here."

So I said, "We would? uh, yeah." 

Lucas says, "Wii. Oh, 'we' would? Like us?"

Then I realized he meant a Wii game system and I said, "Ooooh A WII! Yeah it would. I thought you said WE would look good up there! hah! Lets crawl on up!"

So he did. 

He crawled up onto the dresser and said

"C'mon honey, get up. We would look so good up here!"

I took a picture. It's blurry because I was laughing and using my cell.