Monday, December 19, 2011

Of Love and Loss

Sundays are always very emotional, and today was no exception.

My heart was full as we talked in church about the meaning of Christmas.
I felt closer to God as I realized that He sent His son here. Christ was born and raised, then God had to watch Him suffer in the garden and on the cross. I know He ached for His son from beyond the veil.
My longing for my children helps me to better understand God and who He is. It helps me to understand His sacrifice. I am glad to even know Him a little better.

We heard beautiful songs and talks today about Christmas and they really got me feeling the spirit of the holiday. I love feeling closer to spiritual things, as naturally, it makes me feel closer to Christ, and to Molly and Kellen. <3

After church today I heard about a girl I went to school with here about 5 year ago. We were never very close, she was the friend of a friend. Today I learned that she lost her son at about the same stage in her pregnancy as I was when we lost Kellen. My heart broke to hear it. Even having gone through it before, I can honestly say that I struggle for the words to say. I can relate to the pain and the sorrow, and even the comfort and support to the joys and miracles, however words still fail me.

I long to hug her forever.
I wish I had the power to bring her baby back. I want to put him in her arms so this Christmas as all talk about the birth of Christ, both of us wont have to ache as we remember how empty our arms are.

Though, despite the sadness- I am trying to be grateful. A friend of mine emailed me and said "God uses all things for good." I really do believe this. So in an effort to do as he challenged me I will count the blessings through all of this.

#1  I can be there this sweet girl.
#2  She can be there for me.
#3  We both become stronger as we see what the Lord has trusted us to endure.

I am going to find a way to get the courage to go see her and her husband this week. I know from experience that nothing I give her can take her pain away, but I know that every note, hug, smile, gift, and show of support is part of a huge healing process.

Hope you had a wonderful Sunday!

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