Friday, December 9, 2011


Found this picture today.
It made me happy because we look SO happy.
This was after we lost Molly. It helps me remember that with time we will be that happy again.
Luckily, I do not have to wait for time to make Lucas handsome. He is currently that handsome and I could look at that picture of him all day long. Or better yet, I could look at him in person since we live together. Yum.
Today I was too nervous to talk to my job.
I still haven't gone back and I still dont know if they even consider me an employee.
It's been 3 weeks and I haven't said anything to them.

I don't know why I'm so nervous.
I think it's because I don't want to answer questions.
Opinion call centers are depressing enough as it is.
I just don't want to work there.
Part of me knows we need ANY work.

There is a box labeled "Quitting Slips" on a shelf near the door there because people lose their minds there so quickly. They hire people in packs. I was one of about 15 people hired at once.
I'm sure having one more person stop working there will be nothing to them.
I would have quit already but I haven't found anything else yet.

Grr. I think I'll try to get all of Rexburg to agree to living the law of consecration.
Let's just take care of each other. Money is just green paper with no purpose..right?
I think people will go for it.

In the meantime...
Today I laughed at my sister Emily's blog.
She cracks me up. Her last post was all quotes she has "collected" from people in my family. When I first read it I laughed so hard my eyes were watering and I couldn't breathe. I tried reading it to Lucas and he couldn't understand me because I was laughing too hard.
I love my family.

Go HERE to laugh with me at her cleverness.


Brandilyn said...

i saw a sign on the dollar tree that said they were hiring...i don't know how much better than the call center that would be, but it might be! i don't think anyone blames you for being reluctant to get back into the normal swing of things. i think about and pray for you and lucas all the time and i think that picture of you two and moose is pretty much the cutest thing ever.

Melissa said...

I remember feeling those exact same feelings when we lost Chase and I was looking back at photos from just a few months prior. It does take time, but the second time around at least we have faith that we found that light once before and in time we will find it again.

Be kind to yourself about going back to work. I hate that our society expects us to get back to "normal" so quickly after losing a child, before we are really ready.

Coates Family said...

I found your blog through Mashay's blog and I had to read your story. I was so touched by what I read, mostly by your faith and testimony that you will be with your babies again and get to raise them under better circumstances. I too lost a child and it is excruciatingly hard. We think of him every day and yet we find comfort in knowing we will be with him again. You have such courage and strength and I admire your resolve to live worthy of those sweet spirits. Remember the things you have felt and look towards better times. There is no wrong way to grieve and little by little you will know what you can handle.
Molly and Kellen are beautiful and are extremely lucky to have such stalwart parents. The Lord must have incredible trust in you to send you not one but 2 perfect little spirits. Stay close to the Lord and He will keep them close to you.
My heart goes out to you and our family is keeping yours in our prayers. Wishing you the best.