Saturday, December 17, 2011

Small step

Last night our friend came over. She showed up at our apartment with a black file box in hand.
When she came in and sat down she said she wanted to show us some things.

In the box were her memories and her pictures, the things she finds joy and comfort in when it comes to her son. She told us then details of the feelings and events leading up to placing her son up for adoption.
She expressed to us some of the feelings she has about adoption. She loves the couple who adopted her baby, and told us that she knows he was meant to be theirs. She considers herself the vessel that was needed at the time to get their child to them. She expressed the pain of being a birth mother, the love involved in making her decision, and the joy that adoption and the knowledge that her son is with his family brings.

My eyes were fairly raw from wiping away the water that kept filling them. Her story was beautiful and her heart is beautiful. Her story helped us to know what adoption can be not only for us and the baby, but also for the birth mother.  She helped teach us that adoption is what you make it. She made her decision out of love, and she chose what was best for her baby then, and when she misses him she chooses to be grateful for the couple who are now his Mom and Dad.

She left with us the book and letters that helped her decide to place her baby with that family, as well as some of the paperwork and things that we will be filling out when we adopt.

It was emotional and I am so glad to have her perspective as a birth mom to help us through our adoption process.

Our friend Derek is in a class this semester that teaches about family relationships, and they were assigned a project. A couple weeks ago he asked us if he could use some pictures of our family for the project, both of us and of Molly and Kellen. We agreed and gave him a disc of pictures.

Then last  night Derek and his wife asked if they could come over.
We let them in and we all sat and talked for a while, then they asked if we wanted to see the project, which they were giving to us. I was nervous because I knew he had pictures of my babies and I was nervous about the emotions of whatever this gift would bring. Of course though, I wanted to see it.

He pulled then out of a bag a white picture frame. It was framing the Proclamation to the Family, which was printed on a picture of Lucas and I. It is beautiful. We admired it and Derek said, "So first that was you two." He reached back in the bag and pulled out a smaller white frame, "Then came Molly." He handed us our favorite picture of Molly printed and framed, and her name was printed there. I can't hold it in and I start to cry.
Derek says, "And then there was Kellen." A second white frame with our favorite picture of Kellen printed with his name. I cried more, and Lucas and I oohed and aahed over how beautiful this was. Then Derek said, "And then, Amber, your testimony in church you said something that really struck  me. You said that the closer you and Lucas get to Jesus Christ, the closer you feel to your children." Then he pulled out another large white frame and handed us a beautiful picture of Jesus Christ.

We were both floored. The four pictures together were so beautiful. We immediately wanted everyone we know to come over and see them. We have been wanting to frame pictures of Molly and Kellen, but this was so much better.

We hugged and thanked them and my eyes would not stop watering. They stayed and talked a while more.

Today I hung the pictures up on our wall. I'm in love.

Isn't it beautiful?! LOVE IT.

So after all that crying I had a HORRIBLE head ache, and I accidentally took too much migraine medicine.

I then spent the next 5 ish hours unable to sleep, high on caffeine, thinking of Christmas gifts and business ideas. I walked around the house super hyper and tried to get tired by playing with our scanner, haha.

It feels so good to have those pictures up on our wall. All day today I have been standing and looking at them. I also worked on some Christmas gifts, ran errands with Moose, and visited Lucas at work. Then tonight we went to dinner with his co-workers and we laughed a lot and talked. There was a baby boy there, about one year old, and I couldn't stop staring at him. A baby is such a miracle.

Also, I am going to start trying to reply to your nice emails, it will be a while because I want to genuinely answer each email with as much heart as was put into them. Please know I have continued to be grateful for everything you have done for us.


Today I laughed at Lucas and his co-workers. They play this game at work in the back room where they cut like an 8 square inch hole in a box. Then they stand behind the box and their belly's are the only thing exposed through the hole. 
The other co-workers than take turns using rubber bands and hand rolled paper "bullets" to shoot their friends in their guts. 
That is a weird activity a group of bored men would think up, but what made me laugh is that they
call the game "Sweet Bread" haha?!  I asked what sweet bread is and they all touched their bellies. Lucas rubbed his belly and goes, "THIS is sweet bread." haha WHAT?

Today and yesterday I have been laughing at this video:


Gordon & Julie Bird Blog said...

I am so glad that you had that experience and the peace that it brought you. I could feel it.
I donn't know you, only follow your blog. I'm from Boise, Julie Bird, and we probably know lots of peoople in common.
Your story has touched my heart and it is full of admiration for you and your husband. Thank you for sharing your story for others to grow and learn from. My email is

Stephanie said...

that is quite a silly name for a game haha! Sounds like fun though! And congrats on getting adoption process underway! I know you two will find the little one waiting to come home with you!
And your photo's look fantastic. What great friends :)

Janessa said...

Wow those pictures are really beautiful!!

Christie Smathers said...

Those pictures are beautiful!! So excited for you guys. Love you so much!!